


veni, vidi, vici

by marina01



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dark, Dom/sub Undertones, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Non-Graphic Violence, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marina01/pseuds/marina01
Summary: After Rose is badly injured in battle, Rey finds herself with an impossible decision to make. Although facing up to the legendary Kylo Ren is terrifying, Rey will do anything he asks to ensure the safety of her friends and allies, however high the price.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 201
Kudos: 502





	1. Chapter 1

Rey trusted Poe with her life. That was why, in spite of the chaos of war unfolding around her, she wasn’t especially worried about the safety of their ship. Poe Dameron was many things; a good friend, a brave man, but above all, she knew him to be an exceptional pilot. She sat beside him at the controls, expectantly waiting to be shouted orders. Rey tried not to watch as so many of the Resistance fleet, her friends and family, blew apart in front of her very eyes, like flaming comets falling out of the sky. She would not allow herself to be distracted; her anger would not aid the situation, only worsen it.

‘Dammit, dammit, dammit,’ Poe snarled at the world at large, watching with a look of anxious dismay as yet another starfighter suffer a fatal strike from the First Order fleet. Rey could hear him breathing heavily, and watched as his eyes glanced away from the fight to a flashing light on the deck. His brow creased, and he did not look at Rey as he said quietly, ‘go and check on Finn in the controls.’ 

Rey did not hesitate. For Poe to make an order without a joke or a quip to soften it was a rarity, and one she knew better than to take lightly. Hurrying out of the cockpit, she raced back to Rose and Finn. Climbing down the ladder in haste, she found the pair both on their hands and knees, scrambling desperately. Finn glanced up at her first, eyes wild and untamed, and Rey suddenly wondered if the redness of them was the threat of tears. 

‘Are you okay?’ Rey said. It was a stupid question, and she cursed herself the moment it slipped out. She shook her head as she dropped the last foot or two, jumping from the ladder with a shudder. Raising herself up to her full height, she tried to seem self assured. ‘It’s the defences, isn’t it?’ 

Finn, who had not yet broken her gaze, just stared at her blankly. Rose answered in his stead. 

‘Yes. Help me with this.’ Rey fell to her knees immediately, partially reassured by the fact that Rose was still her calm, organised, rational self. What would they ever do without her? Rey scrambled to connect the wires Rose handed her, concentrating hard to keep her grip straight. The ship jolted abruptly, throwing all three of them against the rough, exposed wall. Rey felt her arm crack against the hard metal, shooting pains causing her vision to blur slightly. Breathe, she told herself, just breathe. She heard Rose cry out, and realised too late how injured her friend was. Rose was bleeding heavily from her nose and ears. Rey was no medical expert, but even she knew that couldn’t be good. Finn rushed to Rose, wrapping her immediately in tight, protective arms. He looked at Rey, all confusion and upset from earlier vanished. No, now Rose was in danger, Finn managed a harsh resolve, virtually barking an order at Rey, 

‘Tell Poe now. She won’t survive long. She needs help.’

Rey nodded curtly, scrambling to her feet. She blocked out the pain in her arm, channelling a single-mindedness she had not known she possessed. The defence failing could wait. 

Now she was running. Now she was scared. Back in Jakku, she had only ever thought about her own safety. Now, as she feared for Rose’s life, she felt a new kind of pain. Like she couldn’t breathe, as though her throat was constricted, closing up with a new, alien kind of fear. 

‘Poe,’ she cried out, her voice crackled and broken. He did not turn around. 

‘I still have a warning light,’ he replied quickly, with as much steely resolve as the Pilot could muster up. She watched as he shook his head rapidly. ‘Give me good news, Rey,’ his voice was as quiet as it had been earlier. He’s worried, she suddenly realised, with a jolt. And he didn’t even know about Rose. 

‘Rose is dying,’ she managed. Now, Poe spun around to face her, not even bothering to keep one eye on the fight before him. He stared at her, open-mouthed, silently imploring her to go on. ‘We need to stop.’ 

Poe blinked at her. ‘Rey - I don’t - I can’t. They’ve blocked us in on all sides. There’s nowhere to land…’ 

‘They want me. He wants me.’ 

‘What?’ 

‘Kylo Ren. Land on the base,’ Poe looked at her as though she had gone entirely insane. 

‘Rey…’ 

‘Do it. I’ll negotiate. I’ll make him help her.’ 

Poe spun back around, quite obviously in shock. Still, Rey knew his silence meant that he would do as she asked. As she trusted Poe, she knew that he too trusted her. He trusted that she would be able to get them out of the chaos they were no doubt walking into her. Rey could only pray that Poe was right about her. In a instant, Poe had whipped the ship right around in a seamless movement, one telling of his role as an expert pilot. Rey could only gaze with trepidation and wonder as they sped rapidly towards the open mouth of the Starkiller, still ajar as they sent more and more ships out to decimate the resistance. 

‘Let’s pray they don’t shoot us.’ 

‘They won’t,’ Rey said. Of that much she was certain. She could almost image what Kylo Ren must look like from the control deck now. She could almost hear his voice in her head, cursing her and wondering what on earth she was thinking. She almost wondered too. 

Poe was whispering curses under his breath as he lowered the landing gear. 

‘I swear to God, Rey…’ he murmured as they felt the impact of the ground. Rey didn’t hear the rest as she rushed back to help Finn pull Rose up and out of the ship. As mad as Poe must have thought her, he obediently opened the doors of the ship, the ramp slowly descending down. Finn and Rey held Rose up on either side. With every second that passed Rey could feel Rose’s body falling limper and limper, the weight growing as she struggled to stand on her feet. As the door opened wider, Rey was relieved to see that Kylo Ren had evidently rushed down to see their arrival for himself. No doubt that bastard would have wanted to open negotiations, but Rose could not wait her. 

‘She needs help,’ Rey found herself shouting down at the masked man. ‘She’ll die.’ Rey began to pull Rose down the ramp, only to find that Finn had frozen in his stead. 

‘He won’t help her,’ he whispered to Rey. ‘Are you crazy?’ 

‘He will,’ Rey said with more resolve than she felt. 

‘I can see that,’ Kylo Ren replied, after a lengthy pause. ‘And I could help her, if I chose.’ 

At the sound of his voice, Rey could feel Finn bristle. 

‘Please,’ she implored him, as his feet seemed to only further plant into the ramp. Finn wrapped a protective arm around Rose’s waist, essentially stopping Rey from even trying to move her. Finn was a true and trained warrior; Rey was no match for his raw strength. ‘I’m going to take Rose down. As soon as I do I want you to tell Poe to run. I need you to trust me.’ Finn looked at her and shook his head, impassively. 

‘I’m not letting him kill her.’ 

Rey gazed at him, hopeless and desperate. She could feel Rose slipping into unconsciousness. 

‘Look at her. Look at her,’ she begged, ‘she’ll die anyway.’ Finn shook his head again. ‘Trust me.’

A heavy silence between the pair. Rey gazed into the former stormtrooper’s eyes, trying to read how black and sullen they had become upon their return to his former prison. ‘She needs this.’ With an immense sense of relief, Rey felt Finn loosen his grip on Rose, the entirety of her weight now falling on her tiny, injured shoulder. Another rush of pain from her earlier injury temporarily paralysed her before the adrenaline of the moment took over. Mustering up the last of her strength, Rey clambered down the ramp, Rose in toe. Before Kylo could so much as speak again, Rey felt the rush of the ship’s engines whirr behind her. The ramp could not yet even be closed, but Poe and Finn were disappeared. With his mask Kylo Ren’s face was unreadable, but she could feel the anger simmering on his skin nevertheless. 

‘Help her, I’ll give you anything.’ 

With a wave of a gloved hand, Kylo gestured for his guards.

‘Keep her alive,’ he said, ‘for now.’ 

As Rose was ripped away from Rey, she felt the pressure fall away from her shoulders, both literally and metaphorically. Rose was safe. Rose was safe. Yes, Kylo Ren had merely offered her a temporary reprieve, but her relief was so palpable it sought to overwhelm all of her other senses. As though suddenly feeling the magnitude of her own injuries, her eyes swam, the figure of the man suddenly becoming nothing more than a black blob. Her head felt unbearably heavy on her shoulders, and she scarcely registered falling to her knees before him, and did not at all notice herself falling face first into his robes. 

Everything was darkness.


	2. The Waiting Game

Rey awoke to find herself strapped down, like an animal caught in a trap. She’s been here before, she realises with a sinking feeling, in these awful, awful interrogation rooms. Rooms that the First Order uses to torture innocent people, to break their spirits, to invade their minds. She can’t help but recall that first time, when Kylo had tried so fervently to draw from her thoughts, only to find his own almost as badly invaded. The look on his face as he realised the horror of the violation. It was what he deserved.   
You escaped once before, she reminded herself, straining against the metal. The thought should have brought her comfort, hope; but she knew this time Ren would be far better prepared. 

The first time she sees him is just like the last time, too. He’s waiting for her, like a panther observing its prey, eyes fixed on her quivering body. Like last time, she could not help but wonder how long he has been lying in wait for her to wake up. It’s a deeply unsettling thought. It’s exactly like last time, except for one thing. He isn’t wearing the mask. 

The surprise she feels makes it impossible not to gaze at his bare face, a face that so rarely sees the world. Once upon a time, when she had first heard of the monster that was Kylo Ren, she had been quite sure that he was as much of a monster in appearance as he was in action. That had to be why he wore it; he was disfigured, damaged, broken. Of course, she had been entirely wrong. Instead, she was now convinced he wore the mask for the opposite reason; to conceal what was a strikingly handsome face. 

Of course, some would say he was disfigured. The rumours had spread across the galaxy of Kylo Ren’s injury at the hands of a young Jedi. By you, she reminded herself. Rey felt as though it might be a source of pride, but as her eyes followed the line of the scar an alien feeling that she could not quite place instead came over her. 

Silent and menacing, he abruptly pulled himself up, out of his seated position all the way to his full height, towering over Rey. She looked away without meaning to, the intensity of his glare surprising her. Rey expected him to grasp her chin between long, gloved fingers, forcing her to make eye contact. Instead, he simply said, in little more than a whisper, 

‘you were also injured.’ 

‘I know.’ 

‘I only agreed to help your little friend.’ 

Rey shuddered, body pulling against the restraints, pausing at the implication. She tried her hardest to feel her shoulder, knowing that it was useless. If it wasn’t fixed by now, the damage could scar and worsen and - well, she had seen people in Jakku die of lesser injuries, seen how infections could burst through the body. Seen them writhe, helpless and in agony, begging for the mercy of death… 

Lost in her thoughts, Rey suddenly registered that Kylo was watching her movements with great interest, the ghost of a smirk crossing that long face. 

‘I’m not an especially patient man, Rey,’ he said eventually. ‘If I wanted you dead, I fear I would not have the restraint to wait for an infection to kill you.’ 

Was he teasing her? No, he couldn’t be. It must have been the matter of factness in his voice that sent a rush of nausea flooding through Rey. Trapped like this, she was so entirely at his mercy. If he had wished for her to starve to death in this very place, he could have his desire. Her resolve from her earlier panic on the ship was fading fast. Once upon a time, she had been certain he wanted her, needed her. Now she wondered if he might just murder her. Perhaps that would be better. That way, she might keep some semblance of her pride. Rey swallowed hard, determined to keep some remnants of dignity, of strength, of the fire that Finn had once said he had so admired in her. Rey needed to live up to her promise to help her friends. 

‘So you don’t want me dead,’ she said, trying her best to keep her voice even. ‘What do you want?’ As much as she wanted it to sound like a snarl, the anxiety in her voice was tangible. Kylo ran a hand through his hair. 

‘And here I thought you were going to try and make a deal with me. Your friend - Rose, is it? - may be fine for now, but that could change.’ He took a moment to run the back of his hand along the side of her face, causing Rey to wince and turn away once more. ‘Unless your plan is to offer me whatever I want, with no limits. I thought you were more intelligent than that.’ 

Rey swallowed hard. You just have to be brave for a few moments, that’s all it takes, she told herself. ‘You have hunted me for months. Not just the resistance, me.’ 

‘I won’t deny it. Are you flattered?’ 

Rey, in spite of everything, felt that old, familiar rage bubble up inside her. Felt her eyes narrow, almost involuntarily. This was the man who had made her life hell, who had murdered her mentor - his own damn father, no less - who had killed so many of her friends - damn near killed Finn, daring to call him a traitor after he had spent years in hell, enslaved to a sick regime… and here he was, here he dared to tease her? 

‘Go to hell,’ she hissed at him, rage overwhelming any trace of fear. She no longer needed to pretend to be brave, her anger superseding any restraint or better judgement she might have left. ‘You wanted me, you have me. Now tell me what you want.’ If Kylo was unnerved by her sudden outburst, he kept it well concealed. His face was entirely expressionless, and his voice was perfectly even when he next spoke. 

‘Like you said, Rey, I have hunted you. You. I want you. I want to train you, I want you to come under my control. Entirely.’ 

Rey could only blink at him. 

‘I’m not joining the First Order. I won’t. There must be something else. Ship fixing, I have skills, I could…’ 

‘Poor Rose,’ Kylo mused, fiddling with his data pad as though sending a message. ‘Saved from the brink of death, only to have her life snuffed out mere hours later.’ 

Rey gasped. ‘You can’t.’ Swallowing the last of her pride, she murmured, fully aware of how pathetic she sounded, ‘please. Please.’ 

Kylo smiled, bearing teeth. The bastard wasn’t even trying to hide his savage, animalistic glee. 

‘The choice is yours, Rey.’ 

‘Fine,’ she said, not bothering to conceal her contempt. If it bothered Kylo, he did a damn good job hiding it. ‘I’ll train with you. Fine.’ 

‘I need more than that. I want loyalty. Devotion, if you can manage it.’ 

Rey would have shaken her head quite violently if the stupid restraints had allowed it. She knew Kylo Ren was many things, but he was no fool, and the notion that he believed that she would become his lapdog angered her no end. Devotion? What an absurd idea. The idea that she might devote herself to this evil, evil man, this monster amongst men. She snorted. 

‘You can’t just demand loyalty. You can threaten me, use my friends against me, whatever… but loyalty isn’t something that can be forced. I will never be loyal to you. Devoted is downright laughable.’ 

He turned away to grab his mask, a faint hiss emanating as he pulled it back over his head. Now seeming to be nothing more than a machine, Kylo drew closer and closer to her. Rey thought he might hit her. She could do nothing but watch him with trepidation. Rey held her breath without meaning to, his face now inches from hers. That famous rage could only ever be so well contained, always mere moments from emerging. What would Kylo Ren destroy next in a fit of anger? Would it be Rey herself? 

Kylo did nothing more menacing than undo the restraints holding her down. Shaking her muscles out, Rey did not dare object when he grabbed her by the upper arm, leading her forcefully out into the corridor. It would be foolish to run, but Rey found herself tempted by the idea of it. Nonetheless, they were surrounded by stormtroopers and Rose… Rey had no idea where she was on this gigantic, labyrinth of a ship. Saving herself might have been within the realm of possibility, but there was no chance that she would leave Rose to the mercy, or lack thereof, of Kylo Ren and his pathetic minions. That is what loyalty means, she said to herself, indignantly, imagining that she dared say it to the giant of a man marching her along. Breaking her out of her brief reverie, Kylo stopped suddenly, punching a code into a door. 

‘This is where you will be held,’ he said as the doors slid apart, voice crackled and broken once more. Devoid of any readable emotion, no doubt as he preferred to be. 

Rey looked around, but her concern was not well warranted. The room was fine. A blank, Spartan like place. A bed, a set of drawers no doubt full of nothing more than boring uniform. A fresher to the left. A grey bookshelf full of the censored reading material of the First Order drones. At least it was private. At least it was in some way hers, her own corner of safety, deep in enemy territory. 

Kylo was speaking again. ‘I will collect you for our training sessions in the mornings. You will return here for breakfast and lunch alone. I will dine with you in the evenings.’ 

‘I want to dine alone all the time.’ 

‘I don’t care what you want.’ 

With that callous remark, Kylo Ren stalked away, doors hissing as they closed behind him. And then she was, in a state quite familiar to Rey, utterly alone. 

She had heard it said too many times before that time heals all wounds, but Rey had found that the fresh sting of abandonment always felt quite the same. The only surprise was that felt it so keenly now. 

‘So lonely,’ Kylo had said to her once, in a deep, crooning voice. At first she had presumed he had meant it in a mocking way. But as time passed, and she replayed the moment over and over again in her mind, she began to think that some small part of him, a part of him that was still more human than beast, had felt sorry for her. That he had felt her pain. Rey sat on the bed, bristling at the unwelcome, intrusive memory. Let the past go. She was stronger now, now she felt confident that he would not be able to invade her mind with such terrifying ease. No, his ability to dip in and out of her most innermost, private, shameful thoughts has been neutered by her training. He would not violate her like that again. Not this time. 

This time, she was ready for him. 

—

Finn slammed his hand against the table in frustration, ignoring the vaguely proud look Poe gave him in return. Leia looked decidedly less amused, regarding the young man with some wariness, elbows firmly planted on the table. Poe could not help but be reminded of a schoolmistress. 

‘We need to go now,’ Finn implored her, for what felt like the hundredth time. Eyes wild and desperate, he searched the General’s face for some indication of her acquiescence. Neither his anger nor his frustration had receded since he had been all but forced to leave Rose and Rey at the mercy of the First Order and the vindictive, Godless Kylo Ren. Rose would have died, and Rey was right, there was no choice but do it - that much he had grown to accept, no matter how bitterly. However, now that Rose had presumably been healed - and he had faith in Rey’s judgement that she would be - there was nothing that Finn could see that should stop the Resistance from rescuing the pair immediately. To his further chagrin, the General was apparently completely unmoved by their plight.

‘I understand that you are upset,’ said Leia, her voice calm and measured. Unfortunately, her outward serenity did little but stoke Finn’s fiery mood. 

‘Do you? You don’t seem at all worried, not concerned at all that they are left at the mercy of those… those monsters! Every second we leave them there they… we don’t know what they could be doing to them! Don’t you understand how urgent this is?’ 

Leia sighed, appealing to Poe for help. Poe merely shrugged in reply, glancing between the pair with growing interest. Leia regarded the pilot for a moment, with that familiar, penetrating gaze that Poe, no matter how self-assured he might seem, always shifted uncomfortably beneath. It was as though she might be reading his mind. 

‘I know my son,’ the General said quietly. ‘He has done many awful things, not least to you, Finn. But he won’t hurt Rey.’ 

This did little to satisfy Finn’s anguish. ‘Yeah. Like he wouldn’t hurt his father, right? Even if that were true, what about Rose, huh?’

As soon as the words left his mouth Finn thought better of them. Han Solo was not just Kylo Ren’s estranged father, he was Leia’s beloved husband. A rush of guilt suddenly overcame him, and he hurried to speak. Leia shook her head to silence him. If she was upset by his remark, her face was a mask. 

‘Ben is also calculating. He knows Rey is powerful, and therefore useful. He will not harm her,’ she said again, louder. Her patience was quite blatantly wearing thin. ‘Moreover, as long as he can use Rose to control Rey, she too will remain unharmed.’ 

Finn tried to interject once more, but Leia silenced him with an authoritative hand. 

‘Of this I am certain, and it is not something I will debate,’ she went on, ‘I am also certain that now is not the moment to strike. We must too be calculating. If we attempt to retrieve the hostages now, it will be little better than a suicide mission.’ 

Finn once again opened his mouth to speak. Once more he found himself immediately silenced by Leia, who Poe could tell was rapidly losing patience, as much compassion as she may have felt for the former Stormtrooper. 

‘Finn,’ he said, by way of warning before the elderly woman could admonish him yet again. ‘Finn, come with me.’ 

Putting a firm hand on his shoulder, Poe lead a disgruntled and unhappy Finn from the General’s tent. Nonetheless, Finn allowed himself to be escorted out at Poe’s guidance, albeit mumbling something unpleasant under his breath as he went. Poe glanced back over his shoulder as the doors of the tent swung shut behind them. 

‘She’s right,’ Poe said, as soon as he was confident they were out of earshot. ‘Going after Rose and Rey would be bloody dangerous…’ Finn’s mentor trailed off, turning to face him and grabbing him by both shoulders. Poe had that glistening, playful look in his eyes that Finn had come to know all too well. A look that cried out mischief, mayhem and madness. Finn could only stare back, lost and baffled. ‘We certainly can’t take the rest of the fleet.’ Poe raised his eyebrows conspiratorially. 

Finn blinked at him, slowly registering the implication hanging between them. Poe broke into a child-like grin. Finn, trained from birth to follow orders to a fault, took a moment’s pause before he too found himself smiling ear to ear. 

‘No, it’s just you and me.’


	3. They're not supposed to break

Sleep evaded Rey all night. The bed was comfortable enough, and she could not honestly say that she felt she was in any real danger - but still she writhed around for hours. Her thoughts were full of images of what her so-called ‘training’ might encompass. Images of desperate villagers fleeing stormtroopers danced through her mind, the might of the First Order ever merciless and cruel. Is that what Kylo would make her? Finn had told her once, though he was loathe to talk about his life before the Resistance, how the indoctrination programme was designed to break spirits, how the First Order had made him unbearably numb to the suffering he was forced to dole out for so many years. Rey scrunched her eyes closed so hard that they hurt, praying that she would never know the torture her friend had endured. She wasn’t sure it was working. 

The windowless room betrayed no sign of how the night was progressing. It occurred to Rey that Kylo could leave her here for days on end and she would never know. A few times she suspected he had. 

If the lack of natural light was difficult to grow accustomed to, Rey felt that she would never grow used to her wake up call. After hours of loneliness and uncertainty, a loud series of beeps shook Rey out of any half-sleep she might have managed. It sounded like an alarm. Rey shot up, hands searching hurriedly along the bed. Instinctively, she was reaching for a weapon. It took her a moment to remember that none would be found. 

She hated being reminded of how helpless she was. 

As quickly as they had begun, the beeps ended. Rey could do nothing but stare blankly at the chest of drawers to her right; she supposed she had no choice but to dress. No choice but to dress as a First Order slave. She supposed that that was exactly what she was, now. It was a chilling thought. 

‘Please,’ she said, to no one and nothing. Some fantastical part of her hoped that Finn and Poe would hear her call for help. Rey imagined them rushing into the room, eyes bright and hopeful. For just a second she allowed herself to suppose that her wake up call was an intruder alarm. She shook her head at her own naivety. Poe and Finn were not to be underestimated; they would not, in spite of Poe’s tendency for rashness, be quite so quick to land on the ship again. ‘They’ll come,’ she said to herself. ‘One day.’ 

With that, she ran a finger along the wall of the cell, envisioning herself scratching in a single stroke. Not for the first time that morning, she longed for something suitably sharp. 

Never knowing how much time had passed was rapidly growing to infuriate Rey, but she felt that about half an hour passed before the doors hissed open. She flinched at the noise and, without thinking, raised her hand to protect herself. 

The Droid paused for a moment in the doorway. If it could be bemused (Rey wasn’t sure), it no doubt was. Without so much as a single beep, it continued towards her, bearing a tray. 

Rey felt her jaw drop. The breakfast was unlike anything - anything - she had ever had in her life. It was a mosaic of exotic, bright fruits, no doubt from all across the galaxy. Before the Droid had an opportunity to set the tray down, Rey found herself rudely grasping for a bright pink orb. Like the savage the First Order supposed her to be, she bit into it without hesitating. Whatever skin it had melted away in an instant, to be replaced by sweet, sweet, glorious juice. It was magnificent. Rey moaned involuntarily, already half-reaching for another. Somewhere in the back of her mind it occurred to her to be more cautious, but she was so hungry. And it was all so wonderful. The pink was rapidly replaced with a purple sphere, which proved much fleshier. Her eyes closed as she chewed, relishing all of the flavour.

When they opened again, she nearly jumped out of her skin. The Droid had left and in his stead, keeping the door open, was the shadowy figure of Kylo Ren. Half-choking, Rey hastened to swallow. 

Kylo raised a single eyebrow. Not for the first time, Rey strongly suspected that he was repressing the urge to mock her. Crossing her arms over her chest, embarrassment seeping through her. She pointedly looked away from the breakfast, though she was yearning for more. 

Ren, on the other hand, gestured towards it. 

‘Go on.’ 

Rey shook her head, trying to muster up dignity. What must he think of her, cramming food into her mouth with her hands, not even sitting down, like a true peasant. The poor scavenger girl from Jakku.

‘Well. You must at the very least try the blue,’ Kylo said, pointing to a cluster of almost square fruit at the edge of the tray. ‘I hear they are excellent.’ With a gloved hand, he reached over himself to pluck one off the branch they clung to. 

It didn’t seem like an order, but Rey nevertheless obediently took one for herself. 

‘Oh, and I can’t allow you to go to training without just a taste of the yellow.’ 

Rey took one dutifully.

‘And I couldn’t help but notice how much you seemed to enjoy the pink fruit. You should take another.’ The ghost of a smile crossed his face as he watched a blush creep up Rey’s cheeks. 

Before long, Rey found that she had eaten much of the tray at Kylo’s direction. Supposing that he wanted her fed to optimise her training, she felt it would be a waste of energy to resist. Besides, the fruits were indeed more glorious than anything else she had ever eaten. Rather than relieved, she found herself disappointed when Kylo apparently decided that she had had enough, turning on his heel and gesturing for her to follow behind him. Telling herself she was merely biding her time, she scuttled behind him meekly, not voicing even a squeak of objection when she found herself flanked by Stormtroopers on both sides. 

Whatever Rey had expected, it wasn’t this. Kylo lead her down wphat felt like endless corridors before he stopped, punching some unreadable code into a door. It opened out to an almost entirely desolate room. The room was grey, with no attempt ever having been made to disguise the metal of which it was made. On one wall hung a number of instruments of war, safely contained by what was no doubt impenetrable glass. Rey gazed at them in both wonder and trepidation, wide eyes falling upon what appeared to be an old-fashioned mace, complete with worn down spikes and a slightly rusted chain. Kylo followed her gaze, door closing behind him. They were alone. 

‘I think we’ll start with sticks,’ he murmured, retrieving only two long strips of wood from the cabinet. Unceremoniously, he threw one to Rey. Humiliatingly, she missed his throw, forcing her to fumble for the implement. 

Kylo said nothing. In fact, he said very little throughout the entirety of the morning’s training. The silence was interrupted only by the crashing of wood together and the odd barked order or correction he would give her. Every time he corrected her form, although she knew he was invariably correct, Rey found herself irate and bristling. It was as though he could sense her anger; perhaps he could. Unfortunately for Rey, it merely seemed to rile him. 

‘Don’t let me see your move before you make it,’ he called out to her, after a particularly nasty thrashing that had resulted in Rey falling to the floor. She cursed quietly enough that he wouldn’t here, before scrambling to her feet. As time wore on, Rey grew worse at concealing her sour mood. ‘And it is certainly not advisable to show your opponent just how angry you are. Try to control your emotions.’ 

Rey bit her lip hard to keep from countering his patronising words, instead rushing forward to instigate another fight. The wood crashed together, the echo in the room reminiscent of thunder. To Rey’s chagrin, Kylo once again bested her. With an awful crack, she felt her stick split fully in half with the weight of his attack, splinters flying out in all directions. Rey winced as she felt one pierce her thigh, feeling as it shored into her flesh. Instinctively, she clutched at the injured leg. Closing her eyes, she willed herself not to cry. 

Kylo was suddenly everywhere around her, pulling her hand off the wound and replacing it with his own. Rey was too overcome with pain to react, although in different circumstances she might have deemed this a violation. The wood had torn her First Order trousers along her thigh. She could feel the heat of her blood as it made its way through the material. Rey focused on her breathing. She had been hurt worse before, she reminded herself. 

She opened her eyes to find his hovering mere inches from hers. She found that she was irrationally relieved that he was looking down at the wound and not into her tearful eyes. She hoped he had not registered this weakness; Rey could not tell. Finally, he clicked his tongue as though vaguely annoyed. 

‘These sticks are not meant to break,’ he said, and Rey wondered why he felt as though he needed to offer an explanation. His words verged dangerously on an apology. He cursed softly, more to himself than anything. ‘You might want to look away.’ 

And then he was pulling a chunk of wood from her thigh with his bare hands. Rey was in too much pain to register how disgusted she should feel with her hands on his body. No, she was in far too much pain, sure that the removal had been more painful than the first strike. Her vision went white at the edges, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Gritting her teeth, she found her hand grasping at his wrist, bearing down hard. 

Kylo inspected the blood soaked wood with interest before turning his attention back to Rey. 

‘That will need Bacta,’ he said, matter of factly. Where he had been squatting, he rose to his feet in a sweep of black robes, turning back to the weapon cabinet. He ran a hand beneath it, pulling out a jar that had apparently been shelved directly beneath, kept just out of sight.

As Rey watched him remove his gloves, she began to register all that had happened.

‘I’ll do it. It’s fine,’ she said, before he could start rubbing Bacta into her thigh, of all places. Rey had to keep some boundaries, for goodness’ sake. Kylo said nothing, handing the jar over silently. Even with her slight, he did not move away, choosing instead to watch as she pressed it into her wound. Rey focused on not flinching visibly at the sting. 

‘You should be fine tomorrow. Rest this afternoon.’ He offered his hand to help her up, which she refused with a huff. They walked back to her cell, as she had come to think of it, in total silence. Then, just as the door was closing between them, Kylo spoke at last. 

‘See you for dinner.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> (I know there's so much reylo out there so bless everyone who sorts by date updated!)


	4. The further you are from me, the closer I feel to you

4\. 

Finn was good at hiding his emotions. Poe supposed that it came with his previous, well, career. But devoid of the mask, Finn had found that his face betrayed his true feelings all too often. Over the past twenty four or so hours, he had become painfully aware of how his peers now seemed to cast him pitying looks. And certainly, he missed Rose. He felt her absence keenly; after nightfall, Finn had snuck out of his tent to gaze out across the galaxy, squinting his eyes as though he might be able to see her if he just focused his attentions hard enough. Dawn had risen, eventually, not that it brought him much comfort. 

Never before had he felt so envious of those who were force sensitive; it was all very well for Leia to be so blasé about their safety. She would almost certainly sense if serious harm came to Rey, at least. 

Finn had been surprised when the General had referred to Kylo Ren as her son. It was all quite true, of course, but Finn found it strange how she still regarded him as such. Perhaps he did not understand family. 

At least, not in the traditional sense. As his love for Poe and Rey and Rose most of all had grown, he had begun to understand how strong bonds based on love, rather than the irreparable binds of blood, could be. Leia was good; she deserved a far better son than the horrible, evil Kylo Ren. A creature who hid behind a mask. Finn’s thoughts were drawn back to his time working under Ren and the rest of his cronies. How cruel they were. How callously Ren could order the deaths of innocent people. Mothers, children. Babies. 

In spite of Leia’s reassurances, Finn grimaced at the thought of his precious, vulnerable Rose at the mercy of such a monster. There was some part of him that felt guilty about his plan to go with Poe, against the orders of the General. But the part that burned at the thought of what they could do to Rose and Rey whilst they were on that ship… Finn dismissed the thought, refusing to allow his imagination to venture any further. 

They would be back soon. Safe, he told himself. 

—

Rey had spent the afternoon reading. The books were nothing of note; a ferociously censored history of the galaxy to suit the agenda of the First Order made up most of them, sub-divided into several volumes. It held little interest to Rey, but she found herself pouring over it out of sheer boredom, snorting at some of the narratives the First Order had spun to suit themselves. As she reached more modern times, she found a description of Han Solo as a cruel, awful man who had deserved to die. At that point, Rey had had to put the book down in disgust.

In spite of her insistence last night that she would prefer to eat alone, the sheer boredom and loneliness had meant that as the afternoon wore on, she found herself strangely looking forward to dinner. 

When the doors finally opened, she was surprised to find Kylo was not accompanied by a Droid. 

‘There’s no food,’ she said, stupidly. She had been eagerly awaiting a dinner she expected to be as divine as her breakfast had been. 

‘Follow me. We’ll be eating in my quarters.’ 

Now, that was a surprise. 

Kylo Ren’s quarters, as it turned out, were brilliantly white. Every inch of them seemed to shine, glisteningly clean as he no doubt demanded. The table at the centre was superfluously long for a single man, though crowded with at least a dozen or so chairs. Rey tried to imagine Kylo hosting a dinner party, but balked at the thought. She couldn’t even imagine him laughing, for goodness’ sake. Still, she was certain she was not the first woman to be treated to a private dinner in Kylo Ren’s private quarters. They had women who specialised in such things, or so she had heard; employing such women could hardly be against Kylo Ren’s nonexistent moral code. Unkar Plutt had once suggested that she become - what did he call it? - his ‘skin girl’. A more effective trade than scavenging, so he said. Much richer. She would have never had to worry about food again. Rey had said she would far rather starve to death. Without meaning to, Rey shuddered at the memory. The very idea was sickening. 

Kylo Ren looked at her quizzically. 

‘Something wrong?’ He said, coolly. Rey looked at the ground sheepishly. She could scarcely tell him that she was wondering about his sex life. 

‘No.’ Mercifully, Kylo did not press the issue further. The table was already set with just two places. Rey felt some relief; if Hux had strolled in, she might just have lost it. One was set at the head, and one just to the left. Kylo gestured for her to sit. After momentarily considering objecting to such intimacy, Rey decided she was too tired and too hurt to risk him denying her food altogether. 

Before he had a chance to grow settled, Rey decided she had just enough courage to ask the question that had been on her mind for hours. 

‘Can I see Rose?’ 

Kylo’s brow furrowed. ‘You could. If I so chose.’ 

Rey would have laughed if she weren’t so frustrated. God, he was tricky. 

‘And will you choose?’ She said, deciding it was best to play his stupid game, at least for a while.  
‘Not tonight.’ 

Now Rey felt her anger bubble, verging just beneath the surface. ‘We made a deal,’ she said, straining to keep her voice as even as possible. ‘And I don’t - how do I even know she’s alive?’ 

‘You don’t. I’m afraid you will have to trust me.’ Kylo peered at his wine glass as though inspecting it for marks. 

‘I don’t trust you.’ 

Kylo shrugged, looking for all the world as though it was Rey being unreasonable. Rey narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Show me Rose. Or I won’t honour my end of the deal.’ 

‘Won’t you?’ Kylo said, leaning forward to sneer at her. ‘And what choice do you have? Yes, I could be lying about your friend Rose. You don’t know. So, let’s say you somehow manage to escape me, leaving her behind. I am not a merciful man, Rey. Perhaps I would have her execution broadcast to the galaxy. I could slit her throat myself.’ He paused to lean closer to Rey. ‘Or, maybe, I could just throw her to the stormtroopers right now. Desperate men, they are, desperate for the flesh of a woman. You only said I had to keep her alive, after all.’ 

Rey reeled back as though he had hit her. 

‘You wouldn’t.’

‘Do not test the extent of my mercy, Rey,’ Kylo licked his lips slowly. ‘I don’t have any.’ 

Before Rey could think of anything to say, a Droid appeared at her side bearing a dinner. The food looked magnificent, and quite alien to anything she had eaten on Jakku, but her throat felt too dry to eat. 

‘Is that what you do, then?’ Rey said, finally, slightly choking on her words. ‘Wait for a woman hostage and then just… use her like an animal. Because that’s…’ 

‘No,’ Kylo said, cutting her off. ‘I’m not going to have my men rape you, Rey. And provided you behave, your little friend will remain safe.’ 

Rey’s breath caught in her throat. 

‘That was what you were asking, was it not?’ 

‘Why not? If, as you say, you have no mercy at all.’ 

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her. She had surprised him. He tilted his head ever so slightly, narrowing his eyes at her. ‘You would prefer it to training under me? That is strange. Although, being from Jakku, that kind of work might well be familiar to you.’ 

Rey was horrified at what he was implying. She stood up suddenly, indignant and gasping for air. 

‘I was not!’ She half-shouted, though he was still scarcely a foot away from her. 

‘Sit down, Rey,’ Kylo said, calmly pulling his handkerchief up to wipe at his mouth. ‘For all my sins, you can’t think that I would judge you.’ 

Defiantly, Rey remained standing. Hovering over him with crossed arms. ‘I didn’t! I would never! I’ve never even…’ she trailed off, suddenly horribly self-conscious about what she was moments away from admitting. Kylo was smart though, and she knew damn well he hadn’t missed it. He said nothing however, but his eyes sparkled with knowing. He told her again to sit down, and she did so. They sat in silence for a while, before Kylo seemed to decide that he had pushed her too far.

‘I believe that you’re no whore, Rey,’ Kylo said, with astonishing tenderness. He looked down at his plate, and Rey wondered fleetingly if he was loath to look her in the eyes. ‘I would never make you one. I am well aware that you do not trust me, but I swear it.’

‘Thank you,’ Rey said, almost in a whisper. In spite of all that he was, she believed him. Kylo coughed uncomfortably.

‘How is your leg?’ 

‘It will be fine.’ 

‘Good. Eat your food.’


	5. It's a tricky business, the force

Rey’s training the following day went almost as badly as her first session. When she had tried to blame her poor technique on her leg injury, Kylo had merely barked out a short, harsh laugh. This served to do little but infuriate Rey, who was already feeling less than chipper. 

By lunchtime, she found herself exhausted, disheartened and miserable. As she settled into the tray the Droid had delivered, she let herself wallow for a moment in self-pity. Patience might have been a virtue, but wasn't one she had been feeling especially blessed by as of late. Desperately, painfully homesick, even the sweet breads and meat that the Droid brought her did little to lift her spirits. The prospect of another dinner with Kylo Ren only compounded her bad mood. The rest of the meal the night before had largely passed with basic civility - Kylo had mercifully kept the conversation to her training - but Rey’s mind continued to mull over the matter of Rose. She dared not ask him to see her again; and she certainly would not tonight. His rage was too unpredictable, wont to emerge at the least convenient times. Rey would never forgive herself if her pushiness to see her resulted in Rose suffering. 

Besides, for reasons that were not entirely clear even to herself, a part of her trusted him when he promised she would not come to harm as long as Rey behaved herself. 

Nevertheless, she would put little past him. 

When Kylo returned to fetch her that afternoon, she found herself not being lead to the training room of their morning sessions but back, instead, to his quarters. The change of pace might have concerned her, but for her exhaustion and general ill temper. 

Kylo settled them at opposite ends of the long table. From her new perspective, Rey noticed something she had not last night; the ashen, broken down mask that she knew once belonged to Darth Vader. It was displayed like a museum exhibit, placed like a shrine atop a white plinth. The mask itself was now deformed, worn down with decades of neglect. Rey felt as though she were gazing at the face of a corpse, wondering idly if Kylo worshipped it like some perverted, twisted religion when he was away from her prying eyes. 

Rey was brought back to her lesson at hand by Kylo removing his own mask. And there was that face again. That strange, haunting, striking face; she tried what Ren might have looked like as a boy. It was nearly impossible to image the warped, broken man before her as a wide-eyed child, sat on his father's lap. She felt instead as though she might start seeing his face in her nightmares. He had kept the mask on all morning, and, for Rey, it still felt oddly like he was somehow overexposed whenever he removed it. Kylo stood up abruptly. 

‘I am going to try and read your thoughts, Rey. Ideally, you are going to stop me.’ 

Without giving her so much as a moment to react, his hand was raised and she felt him pushing into her mind with such certainty that she could scarcely respond to it at all. Focusing all her attention on blocking him out, Rey tried not to consider what, exactly, Kylo might find. 

It took her far too long. Her trainer would not be pleased. She was sputtering, red-faced and enraged when she finally felt herself expel him. ‘That wasn’t fair! I wasn’t ready!’ 

Kylo suddenly looked angry. Infuriated. Eyes darkening like storm clouds, he surveyed her with apparent disgust. And then he was moving, rushing around the table to put his hand directly to her skull. With an animal instinct for protection, she locked his wrist in a vice like grip, feeling the force flow through him. Push, push, push, she thought to herself, pleading with herself to push him out. Rey squeezed her eyes shut, nails digging into his wrist. Her nails broke skin and she could feel the heat of his blood. 

Then she was in. 

With the force she had employed to try and expel him, she had inadvertently invaded the thoughts of the mysterious Kylo Ren. Of course, it was not the first time. Then, she had seen his fear, his anxiety, how inferior he felt. How worried he was; she had seen the wide-eyed little boy behind the man in the mask. This time was different somehow. Now, his thoughts were less abstract. It was as though she could envision his mind. She saw images. Images of a grotesque creature, clad in nothing more than a golden robe, a wrinkled monster, like flesh pulled over a raisin. Rey could feel Kylo’s humiliation, the torture he had endured at the hands of this - could Rey call him a man? Kylo being thrown to the floor, his cheek hitting cool stone with a terrible thud, and - 

Rey felt his push back as though it were a physical assault. She recoiled, her hand falling to her side. Her eyes flew open to find Kylo panting, staring at her, imploring her. 

‘That’s Snoke,’ Rey said, stupidly, without thinking to conceal what she had seen from him. That was what Kylo had always done. His jaw hardened and he stared at her, searching. Knowing exactly what he would say before he would say it, she looked up to meet his disapproving gaze. 

‘It’s best not to tell the person what you saw,’ Kylo said eventually, rubbing at his hurt wrist. He pulled his robe down over it in a flourish, concealing the injury hastily, fumbling to regain his authoritative air. ‘Strategy,’ he muttered, vaguely. ‘It’s a better strategy.’ 

The images she had just born witness to played over and over again in Rey’s mind. Kylo’s back was to her now. She could do nothing but wait as he recovered himself, his back muscles straining visibly even through his thick robes. It was an alien sight to see him so vulnerable. How old had he been when he had come to Snoke? Having never met the Supreme Leader, Rey had naively never really considered what his relationship with Kylo might be like. Perhaps she, on some level, had assumed it was as normal, as collaborative, as the relationships of the Resistance. The assumption now seemed outlandishly foolish. Of course the relationship would be warped, cruel, full of torture and pain. Even for the fearsome Kylo Ren. Rey knocked her shoes together uncomfortably. 

Caught up in her thoughts, Rey was blindsided by Kylo’s next attack. It hit her like a whip. Rey bit down hard her lip without meaning to, the force of the assault making her see white behind her eyes. Before she could gather herself and concentrate on channelling the force again, Kylo was gone from her head in a flash. Rey blinked at him, watching him as he swallowed uncomfortably. Kylo felt his mouth grow painfully dry. He looked for a moment as though he might cry, but he gathered himself so quickly that Rey grew certain she had imagined it. 

‘You feel pity for me,’ he said. He took several steps backwards towards his end of the table. ‘You shouldn’t.’ 

‘I don’t,’ Rey said, indignantly, knowing full well he knew it was a lie. Still, to admit it verbally would feel like a betrayal of her principles, of the resistance. Of Han. ‘You’re a monster.’ 

‘Yes,’ Kylo said, reaching for his mask. ‘I am.’

Kylo walked her back to her room in haste after that, in utter silence. Rey should have felt victorious; he had been traumatised as he had traumatised so many others. This man, who had fought so hard to become a myth of misery and pain, exposed and weak. Kylo’s pain, his vulnerability, his humiliation at the hands of a cruel and heartless master had been laid bare for her. Rey did not feel even a flicker of triumph. Instead, a burning desire to ask a thousand questions, questions she knew he would not answer came upon. Why had Kylo converted to the dark side? Why did he serve Snoke, if he treated him like that? Did he ever feel the call to the light? 

In her childish naivety, she had never once stopped to consider what motivated Kylo, what drove him to the atrocities that had made him famous. Part of her had assumed that evil people were just that, evil. Something rotten at the core. Almost as though they weren’t really people at all, but voids. Creatures devoid of all human feeling, compassion, even suffering. But now… now she had felt Kylo’s pain as keenly as if it had been her own… 

She knew she had called him a monster only because she wished it were true. 

Perhaps Rey should not have been surprised that Kylo did not join her for dinner that evening. She had gotten her wish at last; she would eat alone. Rey felt strangely disappointed. He did not collect her the next morning either, or the next, or the one after that. Forced to, yet again, spend her days entirely alone, Rey was at least reassured by the fact that the Droid had apparently been instructed to continue to bring her food. He's punishing me, she thought to herself as she ate her third dinner in solitude, she's punishing me for seeing him. 

At least he wasn’t going to let her starve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep letting me know what you guys think!
> 
> I've really appreciated all the comments so far xxx


	6. The moment of reckoning grows ever closer to us both

If Finn hadn’t worshipped Poe enough before, he certainly would now. The ace pilot had shaken him awake in the middle of the night, hovering above him with a grin. 

‘Let’s go,’ he said, shushing the other man. ‘It’s time.’ 

‘Really?’ 

‘Really,’ said Poe. ‘Come on. You won’t need anything; I have everything ready on the ship.’ 

Finn scrambled to his feet, fierce excitement mingled with a vague sense of trepidation. He respected Leia more than anything; the resistance had changed his life. Knowing how disappointed she would be when dawn broke and she realised they were both missing weighed on his mind even as he hurried to the ship Poe had prepared. Still, he had to put it out of his mind. They would deal with the consequences later; right now, Rose was the most important thing. At least they were doing something, he thought with more than a hint of bitterness. 

Poe grimaced as he settled into his pilot’s seat. ‘I’ll try and do this as quietly as possible,’ he murmured, unconvinced. It wouldn’t matter anyhow. It made no real difference whether the rest of the Resistance noticed they were gone now or in the morning. It was too late to stop them now. Nonetheless, Poe hated the look that Leia gave him when she was disappointed by him, and, if he was honest, he hoped to avoid it. 

They were gone like a ghost in the night. Poe was quick and discreet, as ever, whilst Finn could only watch in awe as his friend expertly manoeuvred the ship they had stolen. It was an older one, one Poe felt the resistance could probably go without if they lost it, but sturdy and reliable. Made more so by the work he had undertook on it in the last week. Finn gazed out of the control room as he watched the Resistance fade into almost nothing. 

‘How long will it take us?’ 

‘Assuming they haven’t moved them? A few days to reach the Starkiller,’ Poe thought for a moment and then added. ‘We might need to stake it out. And sneak on… and find them both… I imagine they aren’t being held together. And then sneak off.’ 

As Poe outlined the basics of their mission he winced slightly. Perhaps, after all, he had underestimated how tricky it would turn out to be. 

‘We can do it,’ said Finn, failing to conceal the nervousness in his voice. 

—

If Rey thought that spending time alone had been miserable, she was wrong. On the fourth day of Kylo’s absence, once she had settled into her reading for the morning - presuming that she would be left to her own devices again - the door of the room had unexpectedly opened. 

‘Where have you been?’

‘Come,’ Kylo said, offering no explanation to his absence. He turned on his heel as quickly as he had entered the room, stalking off. Rey scurried like a dormouse to follow after him. Half-running to catch up with him, she tried again; 

‘Where have you been? Tell me,’ she was pouting now. How dare he leave her for days on end only to reappear as though nothing at all had happened? And after how tumultuous their last training session had been?

‘I do have some responsibilities, Rey,’ he said, tone unreadable through the mask. ‘Besides you.’ 

‘Something has happened,’ Rey said, with a growing sense of panic. She was beginning to lose her breath as she struggled to keep up with his long strides. Rey was dead certain he was doing it on purpose. ‘In the war? Is everyone okay? Who did you kill?’ 

Kylo did not respond to her questions. Rey wasn’t sure why she had expected him to. But she was desperate to know. For a brief, foolish moment, she considered invading his mind again. It was a ridiculous and reckless plan. It would only end with a devastating punishment for her, and no doubt a worse one for Rose, wherever she was. Could it be that the resistance was coming for them? What if they had already tried, and failed? Then a still more morbid thought - had Kylo hurt someone she loved? Poe? Finn? The possibilities seemed endless and devastating.

‘FN - 2187 is fine,’ Kylo said, so unexpectedly that Rey nearly jumped out of her skin. He halted in front of the training room door. 

‘His name is Finn,’ Rey said, stubbornly. Kylo punched in the code and gestured for Rey to go inside. Rey stood perfectly still. 

‘What happened?’ She asked. Although his face was still hidden, from Kylo’s body language Rey imagined he was rolling his eyes. 

‘Nothing that concerns you. Go inside. Please.’ 

‘Why did you mention Finn? Have you seen him?’ 

‘I told you to go inside.’ Rey stared at Kylo for a moment, considering her options. Refuse to move; no, he would simply force her inside and be all the more loath to answer her questions. And she needed to know why he had mentioned Finn; he must have seen him. Bitterly, Rey entered the room, letting the door slam behind her. Kylo went to fetch equipment; this time, he pulled out a pair of metal sticks. 

‘Less likely to break,’ he said by way of explanation. He threw one to Rey, who let it clatter onto the floor. 

‘I’m not training until you tell me when you saw Finn.’ 

‘I haven’t seen your little friend,’ if his voice wasn’t so garbled, Rey was sure it would be dripping in derision. 

‘Then why mention him at all? Also, Finn may be fine - or so you claim - but what about the others?’ 

‘None of them are hurt. I merely assumed your primary concern was FN - 2187,’ Kylo replied coolly. ‘You certainly appear to be… overly attached to him.’ 

Rey was taken aback by this. 

‘He’s my friend,’ she said, unsure of herself. ‘I worry about him.’ 

‘I am not interested in your personal life, Rey. You do not need to explain your… relationship with the traitor to me. I don't care. However, you do need to pick up your weapon. Your training cannot wait.’ 

Rey narrowed her eyes across the room. ‘What relationship?' She crinkled her nose, digesting his words. 'You think I’m fucking Finn,’ she said with surprise. The words tasted strange on her tongue, the very idea absurd. Her head was spinning. 

Kylo Ren had never been so grateful for his mask. ‘I don’t care who you fuck. Pick up your weapon.’ 

Rey shook her head in defiance. ‘Take off your mask.’ 

‘I give you instructions, Rey. Not the other way around.’ 

‘I don’t want to train like this. Take off your mask.’ 

'I don't care what you want.' 

'You can't make me train like this.' 

Kylo threw his own metal stick against the wall. Hard. Rage permeated from his skin, as he unceremoniously ripped his mask off, throwing it with a horrifying crash to the ground. For the first time, Rey thought him more terrifying without the thing. Kylo’s eyes were alight with unbridled anger, teeth grinding together like a wild animal. 

‘You will obey me,’ he shouted across the room. ‘You have no choice.’ 

‘What are you going to do? Threaten my friends? Threaten me?’ Rey shouted back. ‘For how long? What exactly is the point in training me? I’ll never join you. Help you. Nobody will.’ 

‘Maybe I should just kill you. Would that suit you?’ 

‘That’s your solution to everything, isn’t it?’ 

‘I find it to be invariably a very effective solution.’ 

‘Do it,’ Rey said, realising with a shock that she was speaking through tears. The loneliness she had endured over the last week she thought would have hardened her to his harsh treatment, but it only made it sting all the more. ‘Do it and you’ll always be alone.’ 

‘I’m alone anyway,’ Kylo said, then looked immediately as though he hadn’t meant to. He turned to his side, pointedly looking away from Rey. His anger has subsided, making way for something much worse. Misery. That look was back, the one Rey had seen the day she had invaded his mind. Rey did her best not to stare at Kylo’s quivering lip as she brushed away her own, furious tears. Kylo could only clench his jaw in a vain attempt to disguise his emotions. 

Bracing herself, she took a few steps towards him, half expecting him to lash out in response. As though approaching a wild animal, she moved towards him with exaggerated caution, expecting any moment for her advances to be met with violence. They were not. Rey let her fingertips trace the edge of his arm. He felt her touch, like a shock of electricity, even through his heavy clothes. 

‘Ben,’ she murmured. 

‘Don’t call me that.’ He said, but all the conviction and rage had dissipated from his voice.

‘Your name is Ben,’ she said, emboldened. ‘I’m not a fool. I’ve seen inside your mind. I know that Kylo Ren is nothing more than a facade.’ 

‘You’re wrong,’ he said, but it came out much weaker than he had intended. Pathetic, he thought to himself, you're pathetic.

‘You can still turn. Come home.’ 

At last he looked down at her. A long, penetrating, searching gaze that Rey couldn’t help but quiver beneath. 

‘It’s too late.’ 

‘You’re wrong,’ Rey replied, echoing his earlier sentiments. ‘And you were wrong about being alone. You’re not. I can help you. I'm here for you... I...’ 

Kylo shrugged her hand away from his shoulder. Rey lost track of her sentiments, still half reaching out to touch him although he had rejected her. In a moment, the brief flash she had seen of the Ben Solo that Han had talked about with such joy was gone. 

Kylo Ren was back. In spite of his obvious loneliness and vulnerability, he had managed to muster up a half-convincing sneer. ‘Is this how you seduced FN - 2187? With pretty words and promises of company?’ The last word was so heavily laced with venom that Rey took a step backwards. ‘This is what you do, isn’t it? Talk with pretty words and soft touches?’

‘I told you I’m not… Finn and I are friends.’ Rey said, gulping. Kylo Ren was dangerous, and she had pushed him too far. 

‘That’s what he wants though, isn’t it? You'll find I'm not so easily enticed. Even by you.’ 

‘No, he wouldn’t… he doesn't... it's not like that,’ Rey said, feebly. 

Kylo had apparently hit his stride. His faint sneer had turned into a full on grin, like a man possessed. ‘And I bet you encourage him. Stroking his arm like you care… looking at him with those doe eyes… whispering sweet nothings… like you give a damn.’ 

‘I do give a damn,’ Rey said, her voice raising again. ‘I’m not ashamed to admit that I care about people. I’m not scared, like you so obviously are.’ 

‘You think that I’m afraid of you?’ Kylo scoffed.

‘You think I don’t notice?’ Rey said, without thinking. ‘You think I don’t see you, watching me? Helping me.’ 

‘You would be a valuable asset to the dark. Don’t take it personally.’ 

‘It is personal,' Rey said, not caring how he responded. She was sick of it. Sick of his absurd act. 'Inviting me to dinner, rushing to my aid when I’m hurt. Asking me about my sex life, as though it matters. You want to fuck me, don’t you? Snoke doesn’t want me, doesn’t care about me joining the dark side, does he? You do. You want to own me. Control me.’ She spoke quickly, as though she was worried she would lose her resolve to say anything at all. 

Kylo let a silence fall between them. His face was impassive, unreadable. Rey began to regret her boldness as time wore on, as was often the case when she was so rash. 

‘Yes,’ he said, at long last. ‘Yes, I do.’ 

Rey’s breath caught. Whatever she had expected him to respond to her outburst, it wasn’t that. He was so close to her, moving ever closer, and all of a sudden she did not feel strong at all. She felt like prey. For a flash she thought she could run, but where could she possibly go? 

He was inches from her face now. Rey could feel the heat of his breath on her cheek. It should have been intimate, but it felt like a warning. ‘Yes, I do. Because I’m evil and I’m cruel and I’m terrible and above all I love power. I can’t be good for you, Rey,’ he said. He raised a gloved hand to stroke the side of her face in a perverse show of distorted tenderness. ‘And for that, I am sorry.’ 

Rey scrambled to find the right words. They totally evaded her. She was staring at him, mouth agape, like an idiot. She felt like one. 

‘The guards will escort you back to your room,’ Kylo said, after what felt like hours had passed between them. With that he was gone, like a ghost. Was he ever really there? The whole thing felt like a fever dream.


	7. Sleepless on the Starkiller

Rey wasn’t sure she had ever felt worse. The stormtroopers had escorted her back to her room in total silence, but she felt their unease as they watched her cry in silence. When she found herself alone, she began to sob, safe in the knowledge that she could safely hide her misery. 

A part of her wanted to erase all of it. All of it. From finding the Droid, to meeting Finn, to escaping from Jakku. The force, when she had first felt it, felt like magic. Now, she could only find it in herself to loathe it. How it had made her special; attractive to a man like Kylo Ren. Life was a hell of a lot easier when she was a nobody. Maybe she could have made a life for herself on Jakku in spite of everything; she could have found a nice, kind, normal man to marry, had children, a family of her own. Instead she was a prisoner of a man who… Rey shuddered. She didn’t want to think about it. 

Rey no longer knew what to make of Kylo Ren. He was ripping her apart from the inside out. One moment she wished to never see him again, the next to hold his hand and promise that he could be good, that everything would be okay if only he… 

Where were Poe and Finn? Rey fantasised about them bursting in through her door, Rose in tow. The bastard still hadn’t shown her Rose. She imagined her friends crying out to with genuine, true joy. Rose would offer her words of comfort and friendship and hope. Kylo Ren was the antithesis of all of that. He didn’t understand the meaning of friendship. Of love. He had told her that he wanted to own her. Rey had long prided herself on her self-sufficiency and independence; the idea that she should be owned seemed so insulting and so archaic. After that disgusting, abhorrent admission alone, she should have felt wholly repulsed by Ben Solo. She should have. 

And yet, Rey shivered as she remembered his face, his quivering lips, his moments of tenderness. Another rush of sadness overcame her. She had watched Finn and Rose fall in love during her time with the Resistance. Their love had been pure. Rey had watched how Rose had helped him through his trauma, how happy he had made her, how he looked at her like she was the greatest thing in all the world. That was love. Real love. The way Kylo looked at Rey was far more sinister; like a hunter. He had more or less admitted that he wanted to fuck her, so why hadn’t he? As he had told her back at the dinner they had shared, he didn’t have any mercy. I love power. 

His words echoed in her mind, as though they were bouncing off the walls of her skull. She was shaking now. A picture was beginning to come together. No wonder he had balked at the idea of giving her to his men; he wanted her all to himself. Would he force her? 

He couldn’t, she told herself, she assured herself that she could fight him off, if she had to. She wished she was surer of that. But, if Rey was honest with herself, she did not truly think that he would violate her. Or at least, he wouldn’t use violence. Not for that. No, he craved her submission. Devotion, he had said. Rey supposed Kylo imagined that she would one day give it to him willingly; she snorted at the thought. 

He hadn’t come to get her for dinner. She hadn’t expected him to. She wondered fleetingly if it was possible that she would never see him again. 

Rey tried to settle herself into bed, nesting under her thin blanket as best she could. Before, on Jakku, she had become an expert at self-soothing. As a child, she had learnt to rock herself to sleep through messy tears, desperate for a family who rejected her. As miserable as that had been, she had coped. Survived. And she would again, if only by the skin of her teeth. In spite of her turmoil, Rey’s sheer physical exhaustion meant that she fell into a fitful, disruptive sleep almost straight away. Like a phantom, visions of Kylo Ren seemed to hover over Rey. His hand on her face, stroking her like she was his. Touching her. She dreamt of that first day; when he had pulled the wood from her leg, how he had gone to touch her thighs, to rub them, soothing her like a skittish animal. What would that have felt like? No man had ever touched her, not really. Not like she was a woman. 

Did he dream of her? Did he dream of her doing unspeakable things - to him, for him? She tossed and turned in her bed. Rey had been privy to over heard conversations, to whispers of the dark, unspeakable things the women did in the brothels that Unkar Plutt used to run. Sometimes he would even parade the women out in public, dressed in next to nothing, like prized cattle. The skin girls. Rey could recall the stories people used to tell on Jakku. About how they would take men in their mouths until they choked, tears streaming down their red, puffed faces. How they let their customers not just into their vaginas, which was natural, but just as often their asses. Once, when she had been selling her scrap metal, she had heard two men discussing such an act. 

‘Oh, she hated it in her ass,’ the man had said, laughing to his friend. ‘You would think a whore would be better accustomed.’ 

‘Bad training,’ his friend had replied, nodding sagely towards Unkar Plutt. ‘I doubt that bastard can even fuck properly himself.’ 

Rey was younger then - about fourteen - and had recoiled in horror, trying to block out their horrible conversation. In that instant she had vowed, no matter that it was the most lucrative ‘career’ available to a young woman on Jakku, that she would rather die than do anything like that. Rey’s mind strayed back to Kylo Ren. He would want things like that, she knew it, depraved things. Dark things. Things that Rey could not believe, in a thousand centuries, could ever bring pleasure to the woman. Only sick men, broken men, could crave such depravity. 

Still, she found herself envisioning it without meaning to. What it would be like with him. What it would be like with anyone, really. Rey had heard rumours that the first time would hurt; that she would bleed. A sign of virginity, nothing to worry about, or so people said. Rey thought they were lying; it sounded awful. The only blood she knew was caused by trauma. This seemed no different. 

—

Poe had been waiting for Leia’s message of discontent to come through, but it never did. 

‘I guess we got away with it,’ he said, cheerily, flicking a switch above his head. 

‘Or she thinks we’ll die,’ Finn muttered. ‘And so can’t bear to reprimand us.’ 

‘Well, if that were the case, I reckon she’d at least try and get the ship back.’ 

‘This old wreck? I doubt it.’ Finn said drily. ‘Could barely sell this for parts.’ 

‘It’ll do though.’ Finn smiled at Poe. Whatever happened, at least he could trust that Poe would be unbearably optimistic. Unbearably brave. Finn suddenly felt guilty, knowing that Poe would follow him to his death. Knowing that on this mission, he just might. 

‘Look, Poe, if you don’t want to go on board, you know, when we get there,’ Finn said slowly. 

‘Don’t do that,’ Poe said, interrupting him straight away. ‘You don’t think I want the girls back? Rey’s saved our asses more time than I can count. She deserves a hell of a lot better than to be trapped with that dickhead Ren. And Rose, I’ve known her longer than you have, remember. Maybe you should watch out,’ he added, winking. ‘She might think I’m her hero.’ Finn laughed, trying to muster up as much bravery as his partner. 

He had felt so strong in his conviction back at the Resistance base. And yet, and he hated himself for it, but his old fears were creeping in. Whenever he saw the First Order up close, whenever he saw Kylo Ren, it seemed to shock him back to the scared, kidnapped child he once was. Be brave, he told himself, be brave. 

The pair had spent at least a day floating through space together. The ship was slow, but it would reach the Starkiller eventually.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey expected Kylo to disappear again. That was why, when that infuriating beeping began, a still shattered and exhausted Rey figured that she could simply turn over, close her eyes and try and forget the world. Her reading could wait. Perhaps it was the illicit nature of the sleep, but Rey fell unconscious again almost immediately. 

When Kylo came to collect her, she was murmuring and writhing in her sleep. The Droid carrying her breakfast had apparently been and gone in silence, leaving the young woman to her intermittent rest. A feast of the fruits he knew she beloved sat untouched next to the bed. So, she was really was asleep, he thought to himself with a slight smile. He could not help but stare at her like this. She was so vulnerable to him. The brave, brilliant young woman who had brought new hope to a flailing resistance. Lying under the sheets, whimpering, she looked so small. Her hair, always immaculate, fell in messy strands over her face. Rey shifted again, clutching at the sheet with her nails, as though she was worried someone might come along and rip that small comfort away from her. Kylo wondered what she was dreaming about, knowing that it was nothing pleasant. 

He sat down on the end of the bed as carefully and as gently as he could, anxious not to wake her with the shock of his weight. She whimpered again, reminding him of a nervous colt, rolling onto her stomach. Ben's breath caught. He waited a moment, but she made no indication that she had been disturbed. He breathed a sigh of relief, leaning forward to examine her more closely. 

Even as he watched her, Kylo did not see Rey’s eyes open onto the pillow. He had come after everything, she realised with surprise, suddenly feeling all too exposed. God, she wished she hadn’t ignored her wake up call. Then again, perhaps he would simply leave her, seeing that she was asleep. How long had he been watching her? The thought made Rey feel sick, remembering how some of the girls at the Resistance had told her that she talked in her sleep. She prayed she had kept silent this morning, hoping that if she had said something critical, Kylo would have already shaken her awake in a fit of furious rage. 

Rey’s back was tense, Kylo observed. Without really meaning to, he leaned forward to stroke her hair, in a gesture he hoped would subconsciously soothe her. I could help you if you would only let me, he thought wistfully as his long fingers made circles on her scalp. 

And God, it felt good. Rey had to confess that, if only to herself. Ignoring the prickles of shame she felt at not pushing him away immediately, she let herself relax into his touch. He thought she was asleep and oblivious, so what did it matter? He could hardly count it as a victory. And besides, it had been a long time since anyone had touched her with such tenderness. A really, really, really long time. Perhaps ever. 

Of course, she knew it was wrong. Knowing what she knew now about how he thought of her - sexually - any contact should have been repugnant. To be honest, Rey felt that way about any sexual contact. But this was how men tricked women, Rey knew; softness and cooing, gifts and compliments, before they forced the awful, sexual things - 

As soon as Ben plunged into Rey’s mind he realised she had been awake for a while. He had hoped to paw through her mind slowly, keeping her asleep for as long as possible before she eventually became aware and tried to expel him. He knew he should have resisted the urge to delve into her thoughts at all, but having her here, so vulnerable to him, and looking so terribly distressed - it was like he had to know what had caused her upset. 

Ben was not sure what he had expected to be sitting at the forefront of her mind. Perhaps images of her absent friends, trauma from her childhood or nightmares about the terrors of the First Order. Instead, the all too innocent Rey was thinking about sex. He felt her fear of it, equal to or greater than any curiosity she might have had. Her fear that it would be painful, her belief that no woman could enjoy it, that intimacy had to be paid for through suffering. It made sense, he supposed, as he searched through her memories of Plutt’s vile brothels, ignoring how virulently she was pushing against him now, having fully come to her senses. Of how broken the women had looked. How she believed that he sought to break her the same way. Kylo’s anger bubbled, and the weakness it induced finally permitted Rey to overcome his hold.  
Rey scrambled to sit up in bed, pulling the sheet up against her. Kylo could still see the peaks of her nipples, calling out to be touched. 

‘How dare you,’ Rey said, eyes red and dangerous. ‘How dare you come in here, when I was sleeping, and just - and just invade my mind…’ 

‘You weren’t asleep,’ Kylo said. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Rey bristled. 

‘That doesn’t matter,’ she said, spitting at him. ‘You took advantage of me. I don’t know why I expected anything else.’ 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and he meant it. ‘It was wrong. But you were so obviously distressed. I needed to know why.’ It was the truth, but he doubted Rey would believe him. 

‘It was private. What did you see?’ She blushed. Rey felt her chest tighten; she knew all too well what he had seen, or at least the shape of it. She felt so humiliated. Kylo clicked his tongue, unsure of how to respond to this. Kylo urgently wanted to tell her how good he could make her feel, how she shouldn’t fear sex, how he didn’t want to break her as she supposed. That would be too much, he knew, and she would merely assume he was lying. But still. He had to try something. 

‘Plutt’s brothels are certainly inhumane places,’ Kylo said. ‘And he treats his women like meat.’ 

Rey groaned internally. Of course Kylo Ren had to be party to her worst childhood experiences. ‘I know that,’ Rey said, trying to sound as impatient as she could. She even tried to feign bored. ‘I’m not stupid.’ 

‘I know,’ Kylo said, employing that quiet voice, the one that sent shivers down Rey’s spine. ‘But what you do not seem to be aware of is that his brothels are not representative of what sex is truly like. How sex works usually, when...’ 

‘I don’t need sex education. I’m not a child,’ Rey cut in, voice dripping with venom. He had come in, violated her, and now he found it his place to educate her? She felt blind rage begin to boil within her. Kylo wanted to laugh; Rey had no idea how much he could teach her, if she would only allow it. 

‘Whilst I’m sure you understand the mechanisms involved, I don’t think you realise how enjoyable it can be. It can bring unspeakable pleasure, it..’ 

‘For men,’ Rey snapped, interrupting him again. How naive does he think I am, Rey thought to herself, irritation growing every time he opened his mouth. ‘For people like you, monsters, who use women and make them bleed.’ 

‘I could…’ Kylo trailed off, coughing uncomfortably. He thought it would probably be best to keep this discussion as detached as possible. ‘Many women enjoy sex. I would say, if their partner is good, all women. Don’t close yourself off, Rey.’ Kylo felt as though he might choke at any moment. ‘Sex could be wonderful for you.’ 

Rey felt her anger dissipate in a moment, replaced with a strange, tingling in her stomach. Kylo was watching her for a reaction, she realised, but all she could do was meet his eyes in a blank, wide-eyed stare. All Kylo could think about was how innocent she looked. And how much he would like to show her just how wonderful sex could be. Before he could stop it, his mind betrayed him by venturing to images of those eyes, those beautiful fucking eyes, looking down at him as he brought her to orgasm. Her first ever orgasm. Kylo tried not to show how much she was physically affecting him. He imagined it would enrage her. 

‘Do you touch yourself?’ It was the wrong thing to ask, it was too far, but as images of Rey begging him for her first orgasm floated around in his head, Kylo felt he had to know. Fortunately, Rey looked nothing more than confused. 

‘In what way?’ She said, frowning. ‘What does that mean?’ 

God, he thought about teaching her. About watching her bring herself over the edge at his direction, how she would come apart before him, before begging for… Kylo swallowed. Hard. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ 

‘What does that mean?’ She repeated, growing suspicious. Kylo shifted uneasily, feeling the edge of pain in his erection. God, what was he, an animal? 

‘If you touch yourself in your… in your private...’ 

‘Vagina,’ Rey said, coolly. ‘Don’t baby me. I know what a fucking vagina is.’ 

‘Well. Yes. If you explore,’ Kylo paused, wondering how the hell he was supposed to tell Rey how to masturbate. Much easier to show her. ‘If you explore your vagina, and around it…’ he gulped, ‘like your clitoris. You might find that very pleasurable. You can, um, make yourself come.’

Rey blinked at him. ‘Only men can come. That’s what Plutt told me. He told me that women, women were objects of pleasure, that…’ Rey trailed off, realising that she had said all that without thinking. But she had been so sure. Why would he lie to her? Kylo had to be lying. It was illogical, anyway. The male orgasm was needed for pregnancy, any female orgasm could only be superfluous. Yes. Kylo was a liar. That was it. He would tell her that she could have a brilliant time in bed and then force his way through her virginity and make her cry and… 

‘You’re lying,’ she said firmly. 

Kylo needed to escape this conversation. He could feel himself sweating, desperate to touch her. Inappropriate responses to her words kept fighting their way to the forefront of his mind, as much as he tried to keep himself cool and detached. 

‘Look,’ he said finally. ‘Just try it… by yourself. And see.’ 

Kylo pushed his fantasy of wringing Rey’s first ever orgasm out of her to one side. To think she would ever accept him teaching her was pure fantasy. Rey looked away, visibly uncomfortable. A pause fell across them. Rey wondered how on earth she had gotten herself pulled into this horrible, shameful conversation. 

‘You’re obviously needing more sleep than you’re getting,' Ben said, at long last. ‘I’ll leave you for the morning. Try and rest.’ 

Rey knew he was wondering whether she would touch herself when he left, she could see it glisten behind his dark eyes, but knew that even the arrogant Kylo Ren would never dare ask her outright. On Kylo's part, he suspected he already knew. A girl like that, with such a strong sense of curiosity... Rey could scarcely be expected to resist.


	9. The further you fall

Unlike Rey, Kylo Ren was no stranger to a spot of self-pleasure. Unlike the girl, he was keenly aware of his own desires, making the walk from Rey’s room back to his own quarters pure agony. He wondered idly if the stormtroopers noticed how he squirmed uncomfortably, walking at a slight angle. If they did, they would never dare mention it. 

As soon as the door shut behind him, Kylo found himself tearing through his trousers, pushing them down to his knees as fast as he could manage. God, he wasn't sure he had ever needed to touch himself so urgently. Leaning one arm in the doorway, he began to masturbate furiously, throwing his head back, hitting the hard metal with a clang. It only took a moment. God, how had she managed to work him up like this with just a conversation. It was pathetic. As he came into his own hand, scarcely caring about the mess, he saw flashes of white behind his eyes. Thank Christ, he thought, shivering as he hastened to erase evidence of his little activity. It was as he washed his hands, that he felt it. Just as familiar a feeling, more far less welcome. The call of the Supreme Leader.

What brilliant fucking timing. 

Kylo stared at his reflection as he cleaned himself up as fast as he could. His skin was flushed red, eyes blown with pleasure and he was still panting. Not for the first time, Kylo found refuge behind the mask. He could hardly have Snoke asking questions about why he was so flustered, let alone Hux. Somehow, Kylo felt the latter might be worse. 

Kylo hurried to see Snoke, fearful and skittish. He feared that he would ask about Rey; that could turn disastrous as Kylo didn’t quite trust himself with the facade he knew he would have to put on. But what could he do, ignore his master's call? He would face it, no matter what the Supreme Leader wanted to take from him now. In the elevator, Kylo tried his best to gather himself, to reinforce his mind in such a way that Snoke would not realise how affected he had begun to be by Rey. It was undoubtedly going to be difficult, but Kylo was damn good. He needed to focus his thoughts on the First Order, keeping them strictly, exclusively business-like. No hint of his personal feelings could be allowed to permeate as long as he was in Snoke's presence. He knew that. 

He really, really needed to not be thinking about Rey touching herself. 

Kylo’s mouth went dry as the doors slid open. The warped, disgusting face of Snoke never failed to make Kylo wince. In silence, Kylo moved to kneel before Snoke. To his left, already on his knees, Kylo saw Hux, whose face was expressionless, but Kylo knew he had to be terrified. 

‘Kylo Ren. I had hoped that upon your capture of the girl, the resistance would act immediately,’ Snoke said, in that deep, haunting voice. ‘They have not. They seem to be biding their time; growing in strength.’ 

‘Ren has been nurturing her, training her, Supreme Leader,’ Hux said, in that irritating, whiny little voice. Kylo narrowed his eyes beneath the impenetrable helmet. 

‘I know, General,’ Snoke said, the edge of anger breaking into his voice at the pointless intrusion. ‘It is time for that strategy to cease. It is ineffective. We must rethink her situation.’ 

‘Supreme Leader, I beg you, I fear the only strategy is to hurt her. Lure the resistance out with the threat of her death and…’ Hux began, desperate to reclaim the Supreme Leader's ever-elusive favour. 

‘No,’ Kylo said, before he could stop himself. He turned to Snoke, still on his knees, craning up to the man, grateful that the monster couldn't see the fear and desperation in his eyes. . ‘Supreme Leader, I beg you, it will work. I will turn her. She will join us. If I hurt her… she will only harden against us still more.’ 

Snoke considered them both, bringing his fingertips together to rub against each other. 

‘I do not think that will work. I fear Ren cares for her, Supreme Leader,’ Hux said. Kylo could have gutted him without a second’s hesitation. Snoke turned his attentions back to Kylo Ren. 'He cannot think clearly.' 

‘The mighty Kylo Ren. My greatest protégée,’ Snoke said slowly. ‘you have been tempted to the light before by your misplaced affections. By your family. Your father.’ Hux was staring at his feet, huffing quietly. Kylo tried his damnedest to remain calm, to keep his mind clear of Snoke’s penetrating will. 

‘I killed my father. I am loyal only to the dark. I am devoted only to you, Supreme Leader.’ 

‘We shall see.’ 

‘Supreme Leader, I really feel that this is the only way. We need the Resistance to attack before they gather too much strength. It is a chance to capture General Leia! I beg you, Supreme Leader, I could take the girl and…’ 

Kylo could feel that old, taxing, almost painful rage begin to overcome him. Fucking General Hux. Kylo was dead certain he had never hated anyone more than he hated the ginger bastard. If he persuaded the Supreme Leader to hand over control of Rey to him, so that he could torture her, Kylo would be driven mad by his fury. Perhaps Hux would even kill her. Then, Kylo was sure he would lose control of his actions. That couldn't be allowed to happen. He had to offer something else, anything else… 

Kylo had a revelation. Rey would hate him for it, but it scarcely mattered to him. 

‘Rose, Supreme Leader,’ he said, not caring how blatantly he was interrupting Hux, who was still warbling on about the pain he intended to inflict upon Rey. Hux snarled at him, turning to glare at him. Kylo ignored him pointedly, choosing instead to continue, knowing he had piqued Snoke's interest; ‘Rose Tico. We have her too. Give her to General Hux. The Resistance care for her too, and harming her will send a message back to them without damaging my mission.’ 

Snoke rarely smiled. But as he did, his scarred, broken face grew more deformed and lopsided. It was a repulsive, horrifying sight. Today, it hardly affected Kylo. He had won. He had kept Rey safe from the clutches of Hux, and that was as much of a victory as he might have hoped for. He would simply… not tell Rey about the change in Rose’s circumstances. Reinforce his mental blocks against her. Yes. 

Kylo grinned against the metal of the helmet, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

—

Rey sat reading stubbornly. She would not take his advice. Rey would not touch herself. It was nonsense, and Kylo Ren was a disgusting liar. If it was so easy to wring pleasure from the human body she would have discovered it by now. No. Rey focused on focusing on the mechanics book laid open in her lap instead. 

She found it near impossible to engage her mind to the parts of ships after the morning's events. Her thoughts kept running through what he had said. What did Kylo have to gain from lying to her? When he had talked about sex being enjoyable for women, his motive was clear. But for this? Perhaps it was merely to humiliate her. So he could skim her mind again and watch her debase herself. She would not give in. 

Still. Rey felt… itchy? Never had she been so conscious of her sex. It was like it was calling to her. 

She could just… try it quickly. Just to prove to herself that she was right. Just for a minute. But how?

How does one just..?

Tentatively, Rey skated her hand along the edge of her First Order issue trousers. They were relatively soft, and Rey found that she could slip her hand underneath them with ease. And then, just as quickly, she let her hand stray further south into her underwear. 

Tufts of soft hair met her nails. She almost stopped there. Almost. Even though he was oblivious to her actions, the idea that she was masturbating at Kylo Ren’s instruction haunted her. She took a deep breath and pushed forward, feeling through the hair to something softer, wetter. Tenderly, she pushed the tip of her finger against the soft skin, looking for an opening. Rey adjusted her leg somewhat, to give her a better angle to push in. 

It was… strange. Alien, as the wetness engulfed her. She let her finger venture further, before holding it still. It was still just strange. She let her finger sit. Still none of the overwhelming ripples of pleasure that Kylo had more or less promised her overcame Rey. She felt almost nothing. 

Rey thought about how ridiculous she must look, wedging herself open like a whore advertising her services. Obviously, he had lied to her. There was no pleasure here. Feeling disgusted with herself, she withdrew her finger, hearing it pop with moisture as it finally emerged. Rey felt a tad nauseous. The fucking bastard. The fucking, fucking bastard. 

All Kylo Ren had wanted was to trick her, to let her debase herself. Internally, feeling the shame keenly, she admonished herself for letting him believe him. Even for a moment. Rey’s cheeks burned. She hated him.


	10. Dreams come true

Kylo looked annoyed as he came to collect her after a satisfying lunch for the afternoon’s training. How dare he look annoyed? She would show him the meaning of it. 

Kylo, through the safety of his mask, skimmed the room, dark eyes falling automatically on the rumpled bed. As though it might suddenly spring up and say - Rey masturbated on me. He tried not to imagine her, lying there, flustered, panting…

‘Let’s go,’ he said. Perhaps she was irritated at having been proven wrong, but she seemed angry with him. She huffed to her feet, scowling towards nothing in particular. 

She kept her mouth pursed in a tight line as she trailed after him. 

Rey was surprisingly obedient all afternoon. She did not recoil at his criticisms of her techniques, nor did she bristle when his fighting was powerful enough to strike her to the ground. He might have been relieved that she was finally succumbing to her training, if he hadn’t been so concerned by the sudden change of pace. She scarcely even looked at him. 

After two hours of fighting, Kylo felt his own exhaustion begin to effect him, but he was hardly going to admit that. So instead he said, 

‘Let’s work on the force,’ as though it had been his plan all along. ‘We can do it in here,’ he added, gesturing around the training hall. ‘Give me your weapon.’ 

He held out a gloved hand. Rey clung, like a child with a favourite toy, to her stick. 

‘No,’ she said. Kylo sighed, but a small part of him was relieved. Here was his fiery Rey. 

‘I’m not asking.’ He tried to use the pull of the force to drag it from her grip, but she fought him. Now, he felt his annoyance grow. ‘Give me the stick.’ 

‘No, I want to train more with them.’ 

Kylo sighed. Force had failed him again. Gritting his teeth, he tried instead to use reason. ‘And why is that?’ 

‘Because.’ 

She was acting like a petulant child, but she didn’t care. He deserved it, anyway. Fucking bastard. Thinking that he could humiliate her, degrade her… her blood boiled just remembering it. 

‘Give me the fucking stick. We are not doing this again,’ he raised his voice, sounding harsher than he had really intended. God she was wearing at his patience, but he still felt a twinge of guilt when he saw her wince. He tried again to be reasonable. ‘Rey, just tell me why you’re upset. I don’t understand. I thought you would want to do force training.’ 

Rey gnashed her teeth. I don’t understand. He didn’t fucking understand why she was so angry.

‘You don’t understand,’ she repeated, hollowly. ‘Try to rack your brains.’ 

‘Is this about this morning?’ 

Rey made a noise. Kylo sighed and placed his own weapon down, stepping towards her. He supposed she had touched herself after all, and - what? Why was she upset? - she couldn’t handle it? 

‘I know it can be strange when you… you give yourself pleasure for the first time Rey. Maybe even…’ he had no fucking idea what to say. Not for the first time today, he felt like a parent trying to talk to their child. This was not the dynamic he had craved when he thought about teaching Rey about sex. ‘Maybe even… upsetting? You might feel different, but…’ 

‘Stop,’ Rey said. ‘You fucking lied to me.’ 

‘I lied to you?’ Kylo said slowly, genuinely baffled now by her behaviour. Rey nodded curtly. ‘About what?’ 

‘About… about…’ Rey fumbled, sensing that Kylo’s bemusement was genuine, which worried her. What if she… oh God… oh God… she had done it wrong. She had to have done it wrong. He didn’t lie to her. She just couldn’t even touch herself properly. Kylo took another step forward, now closing the gap between them almost entirely. Apparently, he had reached the same conclusion. 

‘Rey, what did you do?’ 

Rey had never felt so ashamed. ‘I don’t know,’ she said quietly. There was no point lying to him. Then, with a little more courage and a lot more candour. ‘I did what you told me to. You taught me wrong.’ 

Fucking hell. Kylo couldn’t breathe. 

‘Rey,’ he said, choking slightly over her name. ‘What did you do?’ 

Rey scoffed at him, sounding braver than she felt. ‘As though I would ever tell you…’ 

‘I can’t help you if you don’t…’ 

‘I never wanted your help!’ Rey said in a sudden outburst. ‘You entered my mind without my permission. I was perfectly happy before this.’ 

‘No, you weren’t fine, Rey,’ Kylo said, stern and vaguely irate. ‘You were traumatised. You were depriving yourself of one of life’s great pleasures out of fear. I was trying to help you.’ 

‘It was fine,’ Rey said, but she felt tears cloud her vision. 

‘No, listen to me,’ Kylo was violently resisting the urge to touch her now, eager to sweep her up in his arms. Show her how good things could feel. 

‘It was fine. I was fine,’ Rey felt like she was burning up inside. She gulped as she felt a single hot tear roll down her cheek. 

‘Rey, please,’ Kylo said, softer than she had expected. Softer than he had expected, if he was honest with himself. ‘Just… let me help you.’ 

Rey looked up at him with doe eyes. Kylo felt as though his heart might explode with his desire for her, even as her face grew red and swollen with tears. God, if only he could touch her. Rey shook her head violently. 

‘It doesn’t have to be me,’ he added, reluctantly. She gazed at him with surprise. God, he hated himself for what he was about to offer her, but if it would help her he determined that he had no choice. Even if it seemed so self-flagellating he half couldn’t stand it. ‘There are men. Men that the First Order employs for some of the more senior female crew members. I could…’ he could barely bring himself to say it, but as she her cries turned to simpers he forced himself to press on. ‘I could get you one. They could help you.’ 

The very idea of it made Kylo’s blood boil. The idea of another man touching her, it made him see nothing but red. In spite of her fierce independence, he had begun during her captivity to see her as belonging to him. When Hux had threatened her this morning, he had been nearly blinded by rage. And now he was offering to give her away himself? He couldn’t really believe it from himself, even if it would be for her own good. 

There was something about Rey that made him feel something that he hadn’t felt in a long time. The desire to help someone even if it hurt him. Self-sacrifice. It was about as alien as a feeling could get for Kylo Ren. 

Rey had been quiet for a long time, mulling over his proposition. The greatest pleasures that life offered? Even for one so used to self-deprivation, she had to admit his words had piqued her interest. If what he was saying was true, that there were men that could be employed for the pleasure of women and not only the other way around, then that was certainly an interesting prospect. One which she found herself seriously considering. But the idea of some strange man touching her… a strange First Order man who could do anything to her. Anything at all. She was a prisoner, after all, not some high ranking female General. She might ask him to teach her how to touch herself, which is all she could really imagine wanting, but he could hurt her instead. And she wasn’t sure she would be able to stop him. He could hold her down and force her, if he really tried. Force her in ways that she now was sure Kylo would not. Kylo would, in spite of all he was, respect her boundaries. After all, he had waited this long. She gulped, skin hot and itchy. 

‘I don’t trust - I don’t want a stranger,’ she said, breaking a lengthy pause. She braced herself. ‘If you,’ she hesitated, unsure of whether she truly knew what she was agreeing to. ‘I trust you.’ 

Kylo felt his mouth go dry at her words. He must have misunderstood. Had to have done. 

‘Rey, what are you saying?’ His asked, voice crackled and uncertain. He looked boyish again. More like Ben than Kylo, Rey thought to herself, though she would never dare voice it aloud. 

‘I don’t want sex,’ she said, firmly. Kylo nodded. He couldn’t care less; anything she was willing to give him, he would take it with gratitude. ‘But I need some instruction. I don’t want you to touch me.’ 

Kylo should have felt angered at her insistence. At her giving him orders. Once upon a time he might have told her that he didn’t give a damn what she wanted, he would take what he like. But today was not that day. Kylo was salivating like a wild dog, and mostly unbothered about hiding it.

‘Yes, yes,’ he spluttered, too aroused to feel embarrassed by his own obvious enthusiasm. Rey searched his eyes, which were blown wide. Ben’s mouth was ajar, hanging open, but Rey was sure he hadn’t even noticed. 

‘Tonight, then. After dinner.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of updates today :) been really enjoying writing this fic!


	11. An emotional climax (ahem)

‘Finn,’ Poe was shaking him awake, face racked with guilt. Finn sat up almost immediately. ‘I’m afraid I have bad news. I got a message from Leia.’ 

‘What did she say? Is she angry?’ 

Poe paused, thinking how best to phrase this. ‘She said they received a message from the First Order. It’s about Rose.’ Probably best not to mention the visual attachment. 

Finn’s breath caught in his throat. ‘Just tell me.’ 

‘She’s been hurt. Badly.’ Finn felt as though his heart was breaking. Physically, like someone had reached in and ripped out all of his organs. He found himself struggling to breathe. 

‘Poe,’ he said, reaching out to grasp at the other man’s arm desperately. ‘Poe, I need to…’ 

‘I know. We’re going now,’ Poe said. 

‘We’re not ready,’ Finn said weakly. 

‘We’ll just get Rose. It appears she has fallen under the control of General Hux. He’s not as deadly as Ren. We can take him. I know we can. You know the ship well, Finn. We just need to get in, get out. As fast as possible. I wouldn't exactly say it's safe, but - ’ 

Finn cut him off. ‘It’s Rose. We don't have a choice.’ 

—

Kylo had never felt so nervous. About anything. He had faced death in battle countless but this was another creature entirely. A new, daunting challenge. 

He was astonished by how much she seemed to trust him. Kylo himself wasn’t sure he trusted himself that much. That he trusted that he would be able to keep himself under control, but he knew he had to. Letting Rey leave disappointed, or worse, hurt in some way, was not an option he was willing to entertain. 

She was eating in silence. Whilst no doubt she too felt anxious, it hadn’t managed to dampen her ferocious appetite. He supposed a lifetime of starvation would do that to you. Kylo, meanwhile, had never felt less hungry. Instead, he focused his attentions on watching her intently, both willing and dreading reaching the end of the dinner and all that now meant. 

Rey was breaking into her dessert now, a rich, dark mousse coated in a layer of exotic fruits; he had ordered it especially, suspecting she would like it. His ears pricked as she groaned slightly. Oh God. He really wasn’t sure he could hold himself back. Even her moaning did unspeakable things to him. 

Rey watched as Kylo shifted in his chair. She knew he was pleased with her, desperate to have her laid out before him, eager to 'teach' her, like some fantasy of control. His lust seemed to flow into the air around her, making the mood electric. Rey swallowed, knowing now was perhaps the ideal moment to push her luck; maybe the only appropriate moment. 

‘I’d still like to see Rose.’ 

Kylo froze. Rey could not have asked him at a worse time. Her judgement was correct; if Kylo had been able to, he would have shown Rose to Rey in an instant in return for all Rey was going to give him later. But Hux would never allow it. No, he would run back to the Supreme Leader, who would quickly come to the (albeit correct) conclusion that Kylo had been swayed by his hostage. He would lose her. Rey would suffer as Rose was no doubt suffering; the difference was, Kylo cared about Rey. 

If Kylo was honest, he did not want to confess to how he had sacrificed Rose to the mercy of General Hux, even if it had been to protect Rey. He had a feeling Rey wouldn’t see it in the same way as he had, as an evil act rather than one he had undertaken on her behalf, to keep her safe. It was a necessary sacrifice, but he knew she would not understand. Not least because nothing on earth could make him regret his choice. 

‘She was moved ships,’ he lied, coolly. ‘You may see her. But not tonight. I will arrange her return soon.’ 

He would figure out how to evade that promise later.

‘You swear,’ Rey said, eyeing him suspiciously. 

‘Yes, Rey.’ Kylo did not feel even a tinge of guilt, his judgement clouded by growing lust. ‘I swear.’ 

Rey appeared to believe him, to Kylo’s relief. If his plans for this evening had been derailed by the minor problem, in his view, of Rose Tico, his disappointment would have been immeasurable. He felt his heartbeat race as Rey swallowed the last of the sweet treat. 

‘Ok,’ she said. ‘Let’s… do this. I suppose.’ 

Kylo had never stood up faster, half jumping to his feet. He put the slipped his hand to her lower back and guided her to a door. Rey gulped as she realised they must be going towards his bedroom. 

It was gigantic, with a huge window through which all the stars in the galaxy seemed to shine. She supposed she should have expected luxury, but it was unlike anything her lonely life had ever permitted her to lay eyes on. Her gaze fell on the oversized bed dead in the centre; it was sparse and plain, but Rey hadn’t expected decorative cushions. The sheets were black, unlike her standard-issue white. And they looked like… silk? Rey blushed, wondering if this had been a special request on Kylo’s part. She dared not ask him. He was standing behind her now, the heat of him tangible even through her clothes; she could feel his hand on her back, gentler than she had expected, but it still seemed to carry the edge of a warning. Of a man who hated to be disobeyed. I love power, he had told her, and she figured he must be loving this. 

‘Lie down,’ he said into her ear. She duly obeyed his instruction, crawling into bed. His bed. Oh, God. Had she made a terrible mistake? He had already seemed unreasonably large, but now, looming over her, it was exaggerated, making her feel tiny and vulnerable. Self consciously, she pulled the sheet up over herself, although she was still fully dressed beneath it. 

It was ridiculous to feel shy, but she did nevertheless. Her nerves were beginning to eclipse her curiosity.

‘I won’t touch you, Rey,’ Kylo said, as though he had read her mind, watching her as he took his place on the end of the bed. ‘I won’t look at you. You can do it under the sheet if you like.’ 

Rey stared at him. She found himself hanging onto his words, as though awaiting instructions. Kylo pressed on, reassured that she wasn’t running away from him screaming. Yet. 

‘Take off your trousers,’ he told her. He was more shocked than he wanted to let on when she did so without further negotiation or hesitation. Buoyed, he pressed on. ‘And your underwear.’ 

Although she was fully concealed by the black sheet, Rey felt her increasing nakedness keenly. She felt the sudden urge to run, but remained frozen in place. As though sensing her growing shame and anxiety, Kylo had turned his head so that he wasn’t watching her at all. She half wanted to thank him for it, as absurd as the idea was. 

‘What did you do this morning, Rey?’ He asked suddenly. 

‘I put my finger in… but it didn’t do anything…’ she trailed off, watching as he tried to stop himself from smiling. 

‘Did you move it?’ He asked. Rey was silent. Kylo was trying not to sound teasing, but it was too much. The thought of her sitting there, finger perfectly still inside her, as though waiting for something. As absurd as the image was, it was still painfully erotic to him. ‘Put your finger inside again, Rey.’ He let a second pass. ‘Now try moving it in and out. You can curve if, if you like, towards your stomach. As though beckoning someone.’ He waited, staring at the ground. 

He let a few seconds pass, forcing himself to keep his gaze down. It was excruciating. The urge to leap on top of the bed and fuck her until she was screaming his name… he had to suppress it. He would fight to. 

‘How is it?’ He asked finally. 

‘I don’t think,’ she said, trailing off. She sounded miserable; he could tell she was on the verge of giving up. 

‘Okay. Try moving away from your vagina, up to your clitoris. Rub it in gentle circles.’ 

Kylo let a few minutes go by, trying to ignore his now downright agonising erection. It was inappropriate, and he knew that if Rey saw it she would be disgusted. Horrified. He shifted his robes to cover it more entirely. 

It was Rey who spoke first this time. 

‘It isn’t really happening,’ he turned to look at her without meaning to. Her face was flushed but it seemed largely to be with frustration. Kylo tried not to think about what her hidden hands were touching, determined to keep her at ease with him. God, he wished he had better control of himself. She blanched when he met her eyes, clearly ashamed and humiliated. He knew it would be mere moments before she would begin to assume that he had lured her here as a sick trap. 

Kylo Ren was wrong. That was not Rey’s assumption. Instead, she had begun to think about her childhood as she tried to rub against her clitoris to little effect. It was alright, but there was no magic. No ecstasy. She supposed she must be broken. Starved and traumatised, she could never have this mystical, luxury pleasure that Kylo seemed to imagine was something everyone got to enjoy. Rey was pretty used to missing out on pleasure, but this turn of events did seem spectacularly cruel. 

‘I think… I don’t know if I can do it,’ she said, finally. ‘I starved for years on Jakku and…’ She was panting now, growing increasingly visibly distressed. 

Kylo was shaking his head. No God would be that cruel to take such a thing away from such a beautiful woman, he thought to himself. ‘It might just take a moment.’ 

‘No, it’s not. I knew I wouldn’t be able to,’ Rey said, voice breaking a little as she spoke, rushing over the words. She looked away from him, out onto the galaxy. ‘I’m too damaged,’ she whispered, more to herself than him. 

‘You’re not. It won’t be that, Rey. You are not broken. Look, I could…Can I..?’ He hardly dared ask, but he felt her upset and frustration burning through him, the frustration and agony of knowing he could prove her wrong too much to bear. She turned back to him, eyes wide and pleading. Not for the first time that evening, Kylo struggled to contain and conceal his blatant lust. This was about her, he reminded himself. Focus on Rey. Unfortunately, focusing on Rey only exacerbated the problem. ‘I could just… use my hands. No one will ever know.’ 

Rey said nothing, so Kylo began to inch towards her, taking his gloves off and throwing them to the floor. He knew she was afraid, but curious. She let him creep closer, until he was laid out next to her in bed, on top of the covers. She was still hidden from him, for now. 

‘Just lie between my legs,’ he told her. ‘You don’t even have to look at me. Close your eyes.’ 

His past self would have been horrified by his meekness. You don’t even have to look at me? It was pathetic really, how willing he was to prostitute himself out for her selfish pleasure. But he didn’t feel used; he felt blessed. Even more so when Rey obeyed him, shifting slightly so that she could slide between his legs. The material of his trousers felt strange against her bare legs, but she tried not to think about it; tried urgently not to think about what she was consenting to. Most of all, she tried not to think about the monstrous erection he was now pressing directly into her back. 

She took his advice, and refused to look back at him. 

Kylo rubbed her stomach idly. This is your last chance to back out, Rey thought to herself, but she remained still, heart in her throat. Then he was tracing his long fingers down, down and then - oh.  
It felt so different to have him touch her. Almost, in a strange way, more natural. He began with her clitoris, nudging at the hood and drawing slow circles with it. He dipped into her folds for a moment to bring some of the wetness up onto her clitoris. Oh. 

Oh. Oh, fuck. 

Kylo had never been so aroused. He reasoned Rey was aware of it; she must have been able to feel his throbbing, aching erection but if it bothered her she said nothing. He would not dare press the issue of his orgasm. Not whilst she was being so good for him, letting him touch her. As he pressed on, building up a nice rhythm on her clitoris, he could feel her tensing. She had gone utterly silent, something he took to be a good sign. If she hated it, she would have thrown him off by now, no doubt accompanied by some curses and yelling. Her leg twitched slightly. 

Oh, yes. She was straining against him now. With his free hand, he held her close to him, back to chest, stopping her from keeling forward as she shuddered and twitched. She must really be struggling to stay quiet now. 

When Rey finally let out an audible whimper, Kylo thought he might come in his pants there and then. Her perfect skin was flushed against him. She turned her head to look back at him, a simple action that somehow managed to make Kylo’s heart swell, before burying her head into his neck, mouth wet and open. 

She was murmuring something now, over and over again. Kylo focused on it. 

‘Please, please, oh,’ he heard, muffled against his skin. He kept up his rhythm, feeling her unravel beneath him. She let out a hearty moan, so suddenly that it was almost a scream. She writhed beneath him for a few moments; he knew she had come, and he had very nearly come with her without so much as a finger on his dick. 

Rey felt the first waves of clarity hit her after an orgasm that had shattered through her. Oh, God. She had let Kylo Ren… but God, it had been divine. Fantastic. Earth-shattering. Her limbs felt like jelly. 

Kylo couldn’t help but take advantage of her fragility, running his clean hand through her hair and cooing at her, 

‘Did you like that?’ He knew the answer, but the smug, possessive side of him needed to hear her say it. 

‘Yes,’ she whimpered, pulling away from his neck, leaving a wet patch where she had been salivating against him. Kylo wondered if it were possible he might die from pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway, hello strangers on the internet... hope you enjoyed the porn!! xxx 
> 
> on a slightly more serious note, thanks to everyone who's been following this - you finally made it to the good stuff!
> 
> had the day off today, so loads of updates ! might not to be as frequent over the next few days xx


	12. Casualties of war

‘If you can get me close enough to the ship, I can go in through one of the escape pods while you wait. They work both ways,’ Finn explained to Poe, remembering how the emergency ships would sometimes return that way if it was too hectic in the main gate. 

‘I’m going with you,’ Poe said, without hesitating. ‘You can’t go alone, Finn.’ 

Finn shook his head, trying to look a damn sight braver than he felt. ‘No. We’ll need you to be ready here. We only have so much time before the alarm is raised, and then we might just find the entire airforce of the First Order chasing us.’ 

Poe gritted his teeth. ‘Fine. But you have twenty minutes. After that, I’m following you.’ Finn nodded; it was pointless to try and push the issue. Poe was still gripping onto the ship’s old, unreliable controls, knuckles white with stress. The beast was far from being the Milennium Falcon, but Poe’s immense skill overcame most of the problems; Finn trusted him implicitly. 

They were damn close to the Starkiller now, and Poe could see the tiny opening where an escape Pod would be perched, ever ready. Finn moved down to the back of the ship, picking up a chain. He could feel his heart in his throat, certain that, at any moment, they would be rumbled by a First Order drone and shot down before they ever had a fighting chance. 

A rush of heat, radiating off the Starkiller, slammed into Finn as Poe opened up the back of the ship, which was now mere inches from the Pod. Still, Finn was dreading the jump. He swallowed his fear and leapt forward, chains in hand, to anchor the ship to the First Order escape Pod. It worked. 

Finn breathed his first sigh of relief of the day. 

‘You’re on!’ Finn cried out, turning to yell at Poe. 

Twenty minutes. He could manage twenty minutes. Finn slipped through the escape Pod, wondering briefly if it might be worth stealing it whilst they were already risking their lives, before making it through to the other side, onto the balcony that overlooked the main hall. Finn was terribly, dangerously visible here. Stormtroopers were around every corner, and he had minutes until someone spotted him. 

Finn pressed himself into the wall, praying that he would find a corner soon. If he remembered rightly - yes, there was one just there. Relieved to be free of the main hall, but dreading seeing Stormtroopers, Finn hurried towards where he knew the Prisoners would be kept. Where he prayed, hoping against hope, he would find his precious Rose. 

White helmets turned the corner at the end of the hall, causing Finn to curse under his breath. But he was faster, and had obliterated them with his gun before they could so much as react to his presence. He might have been happy, if he hadn’t known how quickly this would cause the First Order to raise the alarm. If Finn had had twenty minutes before, he had a maximum of ten now before the next patrol came around and alerted someone to an intruder. 

Still. His torturous life as a kidnapped child and forced soldier had one advantage; he knew where he was going. It took him less than two minutes to reach the cells at a slight run. Please, Rose, he thought, just be here; he knew that, really, Hux could be keeping her anywhere on the gigantic ship. The thought was terrifying, and he couldn't allow it to haunt him. He prayed the General didn’t have the imagination. 

Finn stood in front of the door to the prisoner cells, helpless. What was the code? Even if he could remember, no doubt they had changed it since he worked here. He should have been expecting this, he knew, but he found himself stumped nonetheless, muttering angrily under his breath. 

But then… thank God. Thank God. Finn spotted the telltale uniform of a Radar Technician as the young woman turned the corner. Fast as lightning, he grabbed the woman, shoving his blaster to her forehead. He squealed in terror, but Finn didn’t have time to feel guilty. 

‘Open it,’ he demanded, pushing her towards the door. He felt her gulp against him, but opened it without hesitation. With a hiss, the doors to the cells slid open, revealing a new row of doors. Finn wouldn’t have the time to check each one individually; he groaned audibly. ‘You work here,’ he snarled to the poor Radar Technician, trying to sound as intimidating as possible. He needed her to believe he might really kill her, even though he didn’t quite believe it himself. ‘A woman. Dark hair. Under the control of Hux. Where is she?’ 

Finn would have been crushed if the woman had looked confused, dreading learning that Rose was entrapped somewhere else, somewhere on a ship so large he might never find her. He felt a huge weight lift off as the whimpered Radar Technician lead him, his hand still wrapped around her neck, holding his blaster to her temple, to the third door on the left. She punched in the code and it slid open. He shoved the Technician into the corner of the room, pointing his blaster at her. ‘Don’t you dare move,’ he hissed. 

He turned his attention to Rose who was mercifully tied to an interrogation chair in the centre of the room. Thank God, thank God, thank God. She was unconscious, face marred by her own blood. The site was deeply upsetting, but Finn tried his best not to focus on the the bruises and scratches that covered every inch of her visible skin. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him now; he needed to keep her safe, and he would worry about everything else once he had that much. He hit the release button he knew the First Order hid beneath the chair, sweeping her up into his arms in a second. He turned his attention back to the Radar Technician, yelling at her to open the door again. She had begun to cry as she cowered into the wall. For the first time, Finn was struck by how young she looked. You don't deserve to be caught up in this, he thought to himself, bitting his lip. 

\--

The alarm was jarring. Devastatingly loud, the high pitched noise that now burned through Kylo's eardrums was intended to wake the entire ship. 

Kylo woke with a start, scrambling to sit up in bed. 

The intruder alarm. 

There was no time to waste. He threw a cloak on over his nightclothes and was out of his door in an instant, taking the few steps to the main control room. Hux was already there; perhaps it was him who had set off the alarm. 

‘Who is it?’ 

‘Two dead stormtroopers. I’m afraid we have company. I’ve sent everyone out in the corridors; whoever it is, they won’t get far.’ 

‘How did they get in?’ 

‘I don’t know,’ Hux replied, gnashing his teeth, obviously irritated by Kylo's questions. 

‘Sir,’ piped up a worker just to the right of Hux. ‘The primary door to the cells were opened six minutes ago. With a Radar Technician code, but…’ the man gulped. ‘And sir, Rose Tico’s cell door.’ 

Hux cursed under his breath, ordering a stormtrooper to check the cell, knowing damn well it would be deserted by now. Kylo blanched. It was the Resistance, coming to rescue the hostages. He couldn’t let that happen.

‘Room 4207,’ he ordered the worker who had spoken to Hux. Without speaking, he nodded. The pause was agonising. 

‘Last opened… two hours ago, sir.’ Hux turned to look at Kylo with barely concealed hatred. 

‘That’s where you’re keeping the girl,’ he said, indignant and sneering. ‘In a fucking guest room.’ 

Kylo brushed off his patronising words. ‘FN - 2187 knows where the cells are located,’ he said, coolly, glaring at Hux. ‘So, as I suspect has been proven tonight, Rey is a damn sight more secure there.’

She would be even safer with me, Kylo thought to himself, pushing the urge to rush to her aside. FN - 2187 was many things, but Kylo knew that he was no fool, and frustratingly familiar with the ship. He would have known Rey wasn’t in the cells by now, and with the alarm ringing in his ears, would have known he didn’t have much time. Kylo would have to bank on Finn leaving Rey behind. Besides, going to fetch Rey now would look too much like caring. 

He should never have let her leave his bed in the first place. Oh yes, that would be the last place on this damn ship FN - 2187 would have expected to find his precious, pure Rey. In spite of the dire situation he was facing, Ren smiled a little. 

You need to focus, he reminded himself.

‘Lock down everything you can,’ Kylo ordered. It didn’t matter what devious trick the pair had used to get in this time; there was no chance they were getting out. ‘I’ll find them.’ 

—

With Rose still weighing down on his shoulder, Finn tried to focus his mind. Just get back to Poe, that was all he needed to do. The ship had to be swarming with Stormtroopers, but he couldn’t wait. Clutching his Blaster close to his chest as he entered the main corridor, he told the Radar Technician to run for her life. She did so, meek as anything, no doubt grateful she had escaped alive. Finn didn’t want to kill her anyway; he had killed enough innocent bystanders as a stormtrooper. 

Finn broke into a run, not caring about whether or not he made noise; it wasn’t as important as speed. Miraculously, he made it back to the balcony without encountering a single soldier, something he figured he would thank his lucky stars for later, once he had fully escaped. He slid around the corner to the balcony, where his good luck came to a sudden and horrifying halt. 

Kylo Ren. 

‘You entered through an Escape Pod?’ Ren asked, crackling through the helmet. Finn could only stare at him. How had he..? Finn had thought his plan was so clever, forgetting that he had used it once before. Idiot. Of course Ren was ready for him this time. 

Finn tried to ignore the flashback memories he still possessed of this man. Of his cruelty, his callousness. Kylo Ren was more monster than man, and the amount of times Ren had demanded Finn hurt people, stripping him of his own humanity, were too numerous to count. Within Finn, hatred fought with fear. 

He was shaking.

‘Put the blaster down now, FN - 2187,’ Kylo said, tone impossible to discern. 

Finn’s hands were quivering, but he lowered his weapon. What else could he do? 

‘You can do whatever you want to me… just don’t… don’t hurt Rose again.’ 

‘You’re not in a position to negotiate. I’ll do whatever I want. You should die for the treason you committed against the First Order, traitor.’ Finn felt, rather than saw, the Stormtroopers gather behind him, circling him in like a trapped animal. He had lost. He had lost, and Rose would continue to suffer unspeakably under General Hux and… it was all too much for Finn's tender heart to handle. He began to pant. 

Ren raised his hand. Finn felt the force pull at his blaster. Apparently, Ren wanted to take him alive. 

Then there came an almighty ringing sound as the blaster clattered to the floor, midway between Finn and Kylo Ren. Finn watched in disbelief as Kylo Ren’s head fell onto his chest, his huge body teetering from side to side. What..? 

Then he was falling. Really falling. Onto the balcony edge and then, as Finn watched, dazed by the sudden turn of events, over the edge itself. Nobody moved as the fearsome Kylo Ren fell, unconscious or dead, all the way down to the main landing strip. The thud as such a huge man hit metal floor was sickening. 

Finn forced himself to pull his eyes away, searching for the familiar face he knew he would find. 

‘Duck,’ Poe told him, trying to get a clear shot at the Stormtroopers behind him, who were apparently gobsmacked and unmoving. Poe shot a few threatening shots at them, but they didn’t seem to have it in them to fight back. 

Finn no longer cared about anything. He was in a cloud of blissful victory as they hurried back onto the ship, Finn unhooking them from the base with ease, buoyed with confidence. 

‘You ran out of your twenty minutes,’ Poe said as he ran back to the controls of the ship, gearing it up as fast as the old thing would go. 

‘What on earth would I do without you?’ Finn said, laughing, before he laid Rose down on the floor of the ship. 

‘How is she?’ Poe asked, not daring to turn fully around, focusing all his attention on expertly manoeuvring past the enemy ships which surrounded them. 

‘She’s alive,’ Finn said. It wasn’t much reassurance, but there was none to give. Rose was in bad shape. God, as happy as he had been to see Ren fall, he would have done almost anything to have taken down Hux instead. ‘I’ll get some medical supplies. You know, wake her up, find out about Rey.’ 

Rey. Riding on the back of their victory, Poe suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at having left Rey behind on the ship. And with a possibly dead Kylo Ren, the only person who seemed to be keeping Rey relatively safe. If the fall had killed him, no doubt Rey would fall, as Rose had done, into the hands of that savage Hux. Poe’s brow furrowed, instantly feeling ashamed at having even begun to feel glorious and happy. Behind him, he felt Rose stir as Finn gave her some herbs and Bacta, smearing it gently across her wounds. 

‘Rose,’ Finn said quietly, pulling her up into his arms. She blinked at him, eyes brightening as she realised what must have happened whilst she was unconscious. Before he could stop himself, Finn placed a kiss on her forehead, causing her to wince slightly as he brushed against her wounds. 

‘Sorry,’ he murmured. 

‘Don’t be,’ Rose said, voice still broken and rattled. But she had found it, and that alone was a blessing. In obvious pain, she struggled to prop herself up on her elbows, looking around the ship. She smiled at Poe, but then her face grew drawn. ‘Where’s Rey?’ 

The two men looked at each other. 

‘We don’t know.’ Finn said finally. ‘We thought you would know.’ 

Rose shook her head. ‘I didn’t see her once. She wasn’t in the cells. They must have been keeping her somewhere else. With... Kylo Ren. He was looking after her. I think she's safe, or, at least, alive. He wants her power. He wouldn't give her to Hux; he asked for Rey, but he got me to torture instead.’ 

The men exchanged a look again, with Rose looking increasingly worried as she tracked them with her eyes. 

‘What?’ 

‘We think Kylo Ren might be dead,’ Poe said.

'What does that mean for Rey?' Rose asked in a quiet voice. Poe shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all I'm sorry
> 
> also I know this is a Rey-less chapter, but she will be back soon!


	13. A man in need

Rey had heard the alarm, of course. As soon as the shock of it raced through her, she had hurried to get dressed, sitting anxiously on the edge of her bed, wringing her hands together. 

To her dismay, it felt like hours were passing by as she waited. It had to be her friends. Had to be. Where were they? Why weren’t they coming for her? 

As suddenly as it had started, the alarm had stopped, leaving Rey in terrifying, empty silence. She despised being left in the dark like this, clambering to her feet in pointless anger, moving to bang her hands against the impenetrable door that trapped her inside. Rey had never felt like such a spare part before. Left to rot in here, with nothing to do but wait, helpless and totally, completely, entirely useless to the Resistance. To her friends, who might be in any kind of unimaginable terror as she sat and did nothing. What did the alarm stopping mean? She ached to know, smashing a hand hard against the door again, in spite of the futility of the act. 

Rey could do nothing but pace back and forth down the length of her room, haunted by the silence that had now fallen over the ship. Maybe it was a good sign? Maybe it meant that the Resistance had taken over the ship, and any second now she would be rescued? Then a darker conclusion came to mind - maybe her friends were dead? 

Rey did not go back to bed that night, too energised and worried to fall back asleep, she spent the night bouncing off the walls of her gilded cage. When the Droid came to deliver her breakfast, as though everything was normal, her heart sank, the last remnants of hope abandoning her. Even if the Resistance had been on the ship, they weren’t now, and no one would give her any idea what had happened to them. Everything was normal. She ate glumly, trying to guess how long it would be until Kylo arrived, praying that he might give her a little bit of news. Anything, really. 

As she bit into her favourite pink fruit, the door hissed open, with Rey turning suddenly in her chair. Now she would get the answers she sought, even if she had to wrench them from Kylo Ren's mind. 

Rey spat the sweet thing out. 

Hux. 

‘What’re you doing here?’ She said, standing up defensively on reflex. He strolled into the room, ignoring the question entirely, heels clicking against the hard floor. He surveyed her slowly, curling his lip in obvious distaste. 

‘Come.’ He said, turning on his heel. 

Rey shook her head. ‘No.’ 

‘You will be training with me this morning,’ Hux was barely trying to conceal his obvious hatred of her, but he had never scared Rey. She knew she was stronger than him; she could take him. He was no Kylo Ren. 

‘I said no,’ she said, focusing her anger on slamming Hux against a wall. God, it felt good to have someone she could use her powers against at last. Sure, she had made her deal with Kylo that she would behave as long as he kept Rose safe, and she supposed this might be a slight violation of that - but Kylo wasn’t here. Rey could scarcely believe him; last night he had... and now he wouldn't even see her? Now he would hand her over to General Hux? No. It must be a mistake. 

‘And here I heard you were behaving,’ Hux said, spluttering through the force choke hold, hand wrapped around his throat, face reddening with every passing second even as he tried to remain calm. 

‘The deal I made was with Kylo Ren,’ Rey said, decisively. Kylo had put her through a lot since she had arrived on the ship - and she understood better than anyone how last night had complicated things - but she refused to believe he would hand her over to Hux willingly, not with his hatred of Hux and how much he was enjoying his grip on Rey. 

‘Let me go,’ Hux choked. Reluctantly, she did so, concerned that his face was now shifting from red to purple. He fell to the floor, scrambling to his feet with minimal grace. Clearly ashamed at having been bested, Hux struggled to adjust his usually impeccable clothing, breathing jagged and uneven. ‘Ren is not currently available.’ He said. Rey half rolled her eyes. What on earth did that mean? 

‘He wouldn’t have given me over to you,’ Rey said, shaking her head. She knew that much. Especially after last night… ‘He wouldn’t.’ 

Hux’s eyes flashed, apparently having forgotten how easily she had just overpowered him. ‘Wouldn’t he? Perhaps you are overestimating your little… bond.’ Hux was lying to her, she could feel it. 

Rey held a hand out, focusing all her attention on Hux’s skull. Unlike Ren, Hux was powerless to stop the invasion. 

Like her, Hux had barely slept all night, his mind a mess of stress and images all mingled together. To a less experienced user of the Force they would have been unreadable. Fortunately, Rey had long ago learnt to filter easily, and now she focused her powers bringing his thoughts about Kylo Ren to the surface. And there it was. 

Rey felt her heart drop as flashes crossed her mind. 

Medical Droids were circling a black mess of robes, lying limp on the floor of the main hall of the Starkiller. Stormtroopers hurrying to carry his huge body out, yelling things across each other. Men peering into a beeping glass box, where Kylo lay, unmoving, face a horrible mix of black, blue and red. 

Rey left Hux’s head without really meaning to, her dismay clear as day on her face. Hux was panting at her, eyes wide and blown. 

‘You do care for him,’ he said, as though taken by surprise, watching as her face morphed into the perfect picture of misery. Rey didn’t especially care what Hux thought of her at that moment, overwhelmed by what she had born witness to. Kylo Ren was hurt, and badly at that. It should have been a cause for celebration but she felt strange... emptier. 

‘I want to see him.’ 

‘No,’ Hux said, snarling. 

‘I’ll train with you. But I want to see him.’ Hux glared at her, but his hesitation made her all too aware that he would agree to her terms. Hux could hardly have this little girl, an untrained scavenger from the Jakku wastelands, beat him publicly; what would his master think? He was annoyed beyond words, but he would do what he had to to make her behave. 

Hux nodded curtly, indicating that Rey should follow him. 

She half ran to the door. 

The medical centre was apparently on the other side of the ship; Rey felt the walk there was endless. Perhaps it was simply how worried she felt, aching to see him in the flesh. Her head felt like it was swimming, a mixture of emotions that Rey was struggling to untangle. How did she feel? The pit in her stomach could only suggest that Hux was right; she cared. 

Her mouth went dry when Hux halted in front of a red door. Momentarily, Rey regretted demanded asking to see him. Wished she could just forget everything she had seen in Hux’s head; wished she could just forget about Kylo Ren altogether. And then he was there, before her, unmoving in his glass coffin, wires protruding from from his body. More machine than man, Rey thought, like his grandfather before him. Frozen in the doorway, she could do nothing but stare, aghast. 

In Hux’s head, there was at least a level of detachment from the images. Now, it was all too real for Rey. Droids beeped around her ankles, whilst a few human physicians oversaw Kylo’s care; Rey watched them, realising the gravity of Ben's condition. Tears threatened. Rey wasn’t expecting them, and she moved hastily to turn her head from Hux, knowing it was likely too late already. Hux remained silent. 

Rey gathered herself well enough to tentatively approach one of the humans, who was holding a clipboard. 

‘Please,’ she said. ‘What’s his..?’ 

The physician looked across to Hux, who gave him a single, curt nod. The physician handed the clipboard over to Rey, who glanced over it with interest, brow furrowed, for important details. His list of injuries seemed too extensive to be true. Rey glanced over them, searching desperately for something positive. Something like ‘full recovery’, or even a trace of hope on his diagnosis. There was none. 

‘We’re monitoring him,’ the physician said, finally, giving her a pitying look. Rey bristled under it. ‘We’re hoping he’ll wake up.’ 

—

‘This is a good thing, General,’ Snoke said, as Hux bitterly outlined how Rey had cried over Kylo’s weakened body. Hux frowned; he had hoped that this tale would cause Snoke to doubt Kylo's loyalty. That his master would grow suspicious of the relationship between them, notice how Ren seemed to have bonded with his captive. He would punish Kylo Ren for going soft, for being weak, for having been drawn yet again to the light. 

‘Supreme Leader, I don’t understand,’ Hux said quietly, staring at the ground.

‘Ren’s defeat at the hands of the Resistance scum is shameful. But some good may come of his failure after all. Let her cry over him, mourn him,’ Snoke went on, surprisingly gleeful for someone whose prize fighter had been bested by Poe Dameron, of all people, Hux thought resentfully. ‘Her affections will grow whilst he is vulnerable. Perhaps Ren was right; he will turn the girl after all. She may act to save him.’ 

‘Supreme Leader, please, I don’t think…’ 

‘Her training will wait. Take her to him every day.’


	14. carefully now

Rose sat with Finn by the edge of the water. They had spent all day trekking through the dense jungle that surrounded the Resistance base to reach a more private place. Possibly against the odds, Rose, Finn and Poe had made it back to base without too much difficulty. After they were off the ship, escaping the First Order had been easy; it was coming home that was the hard part. Most of all for Rose, who felt like a fish in a bowl as her old colleagues, who used to respect her, fussed over her like a child, looking at her injuries and shaking their heads in pity. Rose loathed this, which was why she had cajoled Finn into letting her trek through the wilderness. She needed rest, he had said, frowning at her like a concerned parent. But Rose knew she needed peace more. 

Poe and Finn had worried the journey home, but Leia seemed happy to see them return, and said nothing about her son. Finn felt that they should tell her about the peril they had put him in, but Poe had urged him not to, telling him that if he was dead, the General would know.   
Finn mapped lines down Rose’s back. 

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ He asked. Rose had been listening to the flow of the water as it ebbed in the wind, finally feeling more at ease. 

‘You’ve seen the picture. You know,’ Rose replied, staring into the distance, not meeting Finn’s eyes. 

Poe had finally shown Finn what Leia had received regarding Rose, albeit only after they were safely home. Even though he knew Rose was safe, that her suffering would one day recede to an old memory, it wasn’t an easy sight to see her so damaged. Not for someone who loved her. 

‘It might help to talk about it,’ Finn said. 

‘I was only under Hux’s direction for a few days, I think. Before that, it was okay. Stormtroopers would come in and feed me pretty regularly, talking about Kylo’s orders. But I never saw him in person. I think he was mostly disinterested in me.’ Rose fell silent. ‘Which was a blessing,’ she added, after some consideration. ‘I don’t think Rey has been so lucky.’ Finn grimaced. 

‘I don’t understand why Leia still won’t help her,’ Finn said. He and Poe had told the General how they had been forced to leave Rey behind, still a prisoner of her son. Leia, as she had done the first time, seemed unconcerned, vaguely promising that she would be rescued in time. 

‘I suspect General Leia thinks Rey can turn him.' Finn rolled his eyes, and Rose smiled. 'I know. You have to remember that she’s his mother. He is who he is, and I'm sure the General knows what he's done, but I don’t think you can ever stop having hope in your son.’ Rose sighed. 'She deserved so much better than him, though.' 

Finn laughed at the idea that Kylo Ren could be turned. He had always tried to see the best in people, but Finn was certain that any trace of Kylo Ren’s humanity was long gone. 

—

Rey did not share Finn’s conviction. Back on the Starkiller, General Hux had apparently given up on his attempts to train her, and God knows, there was nothing he could teach her. Rather than continue to try (and fail) to replace Kylo's role in her life, Hux would simply deliver Rey to Kylo Ren's bedside every day, letting her sit with him. 

Rey wasn’t sure she liked this new arrangement.

The physicians hardly spoke to her, and from what she could tell, Kylo’s condition remained unchanged. Some of his more superficial bruises seemed to be healing, but he never showed any signs of waking up. 

Rey was desperate to be left alone with him. She felt like she ought to try force healing him, but feared that the Physicians, who walked around with such authority, would never permit her closer to him. Force healing was incredibly dangerous; perhaps they feared she might hurt him. Kill him, even. 

But he was dying anyway. Rey couldn’t say how she knew, but she did. It was like she could feel his life-force fading away with each passing day. Rey was growing increasingly desperate. She would hover over his glass cage, whispering to him as quietly as she could, hoping no one would hear. 

‘Don’t leave me here with Hux,’ she would murmur to him, as though he might open his eyes at the sound of her voice, like in a fairytale. Rey’s life had never resembled a fairytale, and Ren remained quite still and cold, unmoved by her presence. She had tried a few times to delve into his mind but it didn’t seem… active. It was like he was beyond sleep. He was leaving his body, Rey reasoned with a chill. The ghost in the machine was fading fast, and Rey found herself more and more willing to take risks. 

Rey had never tried to force heal anything, let alone a grown man. a grown man with horrible, catastrophic injuries. Back at the Resistance base, Leia promised that she would teach her one day; beginning with small animals, of course. Nothing that could go so badly wrong as this. 

Kylo was hauntingly still, and Rey was sure his breathing was getting less even. Rey braced herself.   
‘May I touch him?’ She asked no one in particular. Hux raised an eyebrow. The physicians stared at her. A Droid beeped something meaningless by her ankle. No one was actively stopping her, so she gently shifted a pane of glass that was hovering above his chest. 

She let her fingertips settle on a patch of exposed skin, crusted with dried blood, where the force of his fall had ripped open his bedclothes. She could feel his heartbeat, faint and distant. As though it were growing weaker by the second; maybe Rey was imagining it. 

You can do this, she told herself, striving to focus her attention. It was a delicate line to walk, between using too much power and too little. Rey felt the force flow through her and into his immobile body, shaking as she did so. 

Please, she thought to herself. Please. Please. Please. 

Her friends might have found her choice inexplicable. How could she put herself in danger to save Kylo Ren, of all people? But the idea of being left on this ship, a prisoner of Snoke and Hux, without the comfort that Kylo had begun to bring her was an unbearable idea. 

The warmth of his chest made her shiver slightly. 

Kylo’s eyes felt heavy, as though they were being held shut. Experimentally, he twitched his fingers to see if they would move. He wondered if he might be dead, as a warm flow seemed to press through his body, restoring him, engulfing in a kind of comfort he hadn’t known since he was a child. He felt safe and warm, like he was wrapped in soft blankets. 

It was her, he realised with a jolt. Rey. Rey’s spirit was flowing through him, restoring his strength. Bliss. Oh, he must be dead. 

Rey wasn’t sure it was working, beginning to grow despondent and hopeless. Hux was watching her with interest, which was doing nothing good for her concentration. Oh, it’s hopeless, Rey thought, I’m hopeless. How could she think that she could force heal wounds this serious on a first attempt, how could she ever suppose that…

Kylo Ren opened his eyes, blinking up at her. 

Hux pursed his lips. At least his master would be pleased. 

‘Rey,’ Kylo said slowly, mouth dry. Self-consciously, Rey realised her hand was still pressed to his chest, looking impossibly small against him. ‘Rey.’ 

Rey didn’t get the chance to respond, with Kylo suddenly overwhelmed by fussing physicians, although he felt nothing if not well. Rey was pushed to one side as the physicians of the First Order furiously scribbled notes on their clipboards. Rey wanted to laugh; anything they were writing had to be nonsense. She had healed him. Her. Feeling a surge of pride, Rey found herself grinning in spite of everything. 

Her grin was immovable, even as Hux hurried her out of the room, telling her that Ren needed to be monitored, at least until that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, we'll be back to porn soon!


	15. Kneel before me

Kylo was desperate to return to his quarters. Although his flesh was still covered in bruises - Rey’s inexperienced attempt force healing could only do so much - he instructed the physicians to let him return. A few of them tried to voice their concerns, but a few stern words and glares had taught them their place. 

Most of all, he wanted to see Rey. Privately.

Kylo could barely believe his eyes when he found her gazing down at him, force healing him. He sent an order over his data pad that she would be sent to his quarters at once. He hoped she would not attempt to resist his command; her healing him had been a good sign, and Hux had told them she had no idea what he had done this time or what had happened to Rose. 

Kylo would figure out a way to deal with that later, not looking forward to trying to pretend to Rey that Rose remained in the custody of the First Order. For now, he tried his hardest to simply enjoy his rest, grateful that Snoke had not yet summoned him to berate him horribly for being defeated by a traitor stormtrooper and Poe fucking Dameron. 

He was lying in bed when Rey entered his quarters, having been escorted by a mass of stormtroopers. When Kylo wasn’t around to control her, special measures needed to be employed for a young woman so proficient in the force. That was what General Hux had told the stormtroopers anyhow, with appropriate vagueness, not caring to mention how she had force choked him against a wall. 

Rey walked through to his bedroom slowly. The memories of what had occurred not too long ago floated through her mind, making her stomach twist in a harsh knot. It felt like years had passed since then. 

He was still a magnificent sight, even with features blemished by bruises and cuts. He was propped up with a halo of pillows, watching her as she approached, circling him. Rey pretended not to notice his shirtless ness, broad, thick chest moving up and down rhythmically. 

‘I’ll get the Bacta,’ she said, noticing jars and jars piled up by the window, no doubt a gift from the medical droids of the First Order. Kylo held out a hand as though to take it. 

‘It’s alright,’ she murmured, kneeling to his side on the bed. She rubbed the stuff into his bruises as tenderly as she could, half wanting to apologise whenever he recoiled at the stings. She tried not to notice how reverential his gaze was as he watched her nurture him. He looked as he had when he had woken up; astonished by the kindness she was showing him. Over at the Resistance, it would have been normal, but Rey wondered if, under the cruel thumb of Snoke, Kylo Ren had come to expect pain. As he had accumulated to agony as a way of life, compassion had grown to have a far more potent effect on him. ‘How do you feel?’ She asked finally, coating a final scar on his neck with a generous amount of the gooey gel. 

‘I’m alive,’ he said. ‘Thanks to you, Rey.’ His voice was as soft as his gaze, and Rey found herself struggling against it, heart in her throat. She looked away, pretending to be interested in the distant planets drifting by outside his window. 

‘Well, I didn’t want to be left alone with just Hux for company,’ she said, laughing weakly, trying to brush off the unexpected softness in his voice. Kylo chuckled, warm and deep. Ben, Rey found herself thinking, correcting herself. Ben. 

‘A fate worse than death, I’m sure,’ Ben said, reaching out to touch her arm. ‘But the truth is, I didn’t deserve your help.’ Rey almost missed the cruel, callous Kylo Ren she had come to expect; Ben’s childlike gratitude made her breath catch whenever he spoke. She hated seeing him like this; bruised and battered, and all too feeble. It didn’t suit him. 

Rey felt her chest tighten. Intimacy frightened her. ‘Everyone deserves help. Even you. As terrible as you might want me to think that you are.’ 

Ben laughed again. ‘My history speaks for itself, Rey.’ He was in the best spirits she had ever seen him in, teasing and playful, all wide eyed innocence. It was like talking to a new man. He did not even prickle when she talked about the good in him, something that usually made him immediately close up. 

‘You can have it all, you know, even if you think you can’t,’ Rey said. She was pushing her luck, and hell did she know it. ‘Love. A family. It isn’t too late.’ 

‘And what makes you think I want those things?’ A hint of anger threatened at the edge of his words, though he still seemed calm and inquisitive. Rey placed a small hand against his breastbone. She found she had nothing to say, choosing instead to place a small kiss against his forehead. Feeling his body harden at her touch, she withdrew in a hurry, heat flooding through her without warning. 

‘You should take the physician’s advice and rest,’ she said, moving to leave her. Without warning, Ben grabbed her arm.

‘Stay,’ he said, wide-eyed. ‘We don’t - I won’t try anything.’ 

Rey stared at him, taking in the weight of his words. The implication of lust lying in wait beneath his veneer of respectability surprised her. It hadn’t really occurred to her that he would want to… she hadn’t thought he enjoyed it last time. After all, he was left painfully unfulfilled. 

‘That doesn’t scare me,’ she said carefully, remembering how hurriedly she had left the other night, overwhelmed by all that had happened. ‘I don’t want you to think that I didn’t…’ she paused a moment, humming in the silence, gathering her strength, ‘enjoy it.’ 

‘Would you let me..?’ Ben trailed off. Rey felt her lip quiver. Once could be construed as a mistake, twice was rapidly becoming a pattern. A change in their, well, relationship. Rey was suddenly horribly aware of her own burgeoning lust for him, as though he had trained her to respond to his touch. Before she could think of how to respond, Ben was shaking his head. ‘Sorry, that was…’ 

Rey could feel her window of opportunity closing. 

‘You’re injured,’ she said. ‘But perhaps when you’re feeling better.’ 

Good. That was nice and ambiguous. It would give her time to gather herself, bring the animalistic desire he had awakened within her under control. Ben blinked at her. 

‘I could show you more,’ he said, voice barely audible, as though he were testing the waters. It seemed to Rey that she was not the only one who was testing their luck today. ‘Better things.’ 

Rey found it difficult to believe there could be better. Ben had certainly piqued her interest now. 

‘Like what?’ 

‘If you would let me taste you, Rey, I could bring you to orgasm using just my tongue.’ 

Ben watched her cheeks flush scarlet in an instant; she was still so innocent. It thrilled him, and in spite of the aches in his bones, he felt his groin twitch expectantly. She clutched at her collarbone, like a stately woman clutching at her pearls at his crass suggestion. 

‘I’ve never, um, heard of that,’ she said, voice shamefully edging into a simper. Ben’s eyes darkened. 

‘Oh, it’s divine. Divine.’ Ben licked his lips obscenely; watching him, Rey felt like her skin was tightening. ‘I can’t wait. You’ll be screaming for me, Rey.’ 

Rey didn’t trust her voice enough to speak. Ben carried on, buoyed by her wide eyes and breathless reaction.   
‘We can do that, and other things, and then, one day, you’ll be begging for my cock inside you.’ 

It wasn’t a threat. Ben said it as though it was simply a fact, voice calm and relaxed. Rey couldn’t help but feel that he would end up being proven right. 

— 

His knees still ached, but Kylo tried his best not to wince as he bowed before his master, bracing himself for an onslaught of pain and criticism. He hardly cared as Snoke berated him viciously, too gleeful and happy to really be affected by his master’s rage, even as he threw him onto the floor repeatedly, exacerbating his injuries and making Kylo howl in sheer agony. 

Once Snoke had apparently satisfied his rage, he let Kylo lie still, head pressed to the ground, cheek wet with blood against the hard floor. 

Finally sated, Snoke spoke more quietly, practically hissing at him. ‘One good thing has come from this disgrace, however. The girl’s decision to force heal you speaks to her bond with you. You must act to strengthen this, however you can, until she too will kneel before me.’


	16. A thin line between love and hate

Rey’s routine resumed fairly quickly. Over the next few days, Ben would oversee her training, usually at the hands of a stormtrooper, him still too injured to participate directly. In the afternoons, he would sometimes talk to her about the mind reading powers of the force, or simply leave her to her reading, having sent a droid with a number of new ones after she explained she had finished them all. What Ben had stopped doing was eating dinner with her, explaining remorsefully that he was too tired, and that he would allow the physicians to visit him in the evening. 

Rey hated that she missed it. She hated that every time the Droid came in, beeping cheerily, a little part of her wished that it had been Ben in their stead. She hated how she remembered that they hadn’t had dinner since… that night. Rey hated how the memory of it still made her shiver, hated how she would lie back in her bed every night, alone, pushing her hands into her bedclothes and then…. Rey had figured it out; she didn't exactly need more lessons, but her self-stimulation remained a poor imitation of how Ben had made her feel. The sheer desperation, breathing heavily into his neck, soaking in his scent with every passing moment. Oh, God, the memory alone was enough to make Rey flustered. 

She thought about it every night. Rey wished that she were stronger; it was disgraceful how overcome by lust she had become, urgently needing him to touch her, craving him more than anything. How, when he had suggested he touch her with his mouth, how intrigued she had become. After that, she had added visions of him doing just that into her little, late night fantasies. 

What on earth would her friends think? She would sometimes wonder how they would react, as she lay overcome by the shame of it all in the minutes following her orgasm, trying not to picture the shock and horror they undoubtedly would show. How Finn would feel at learning that his best friend got herself off to the thought of the dreaded Kylo Ren, how she had let him touch her. Even Rose, good, compassionate Rose, would never understand such a perversion. 

That was why, when he finally sent a group of stormtroopers, armed to the teeth, to escort her to dinner, Rey felt like she was in a dream. The walk to his quarters felt like a took an age to pass, Rey itching uncomfortably with every step. God, she should not be looking forward to this so much, she admonished herself, a blush creeping up her cheeks. If any of the drones noticed, they said nothing. 

Ben was still in bed when Rey arrived. He moved to stand up upon her arrival, but she stopped him, putting a hand to his sore shoulder. His eyes were blurry, glazed over with the drugs that she knew the physicians brought to him in the evenings. 

‘No, it’s okay,’ Rey said. ‘I can bring it to you.’ 

Ben lay back immediately, too exhausted to argue with her, head feeling too heavy for his shoulders. The physicians had finally agreed to lower the doses of the painkillers, but Ben scarcely noticed the difference. He watched Rey, swearing that a cloud was floating around her head. God, she looked so beautiful, even as his head spun. 

Rey brought the tray up to the bed, setting it carefully next to her hip as she settled down next to him. Ben half sat up, bringing the tray up to his lap. 

‘Thank you,’ he said. If his drugs had effected most of his faculties, there was no evidence that they had dampened his appetite. If anything, it had made it heartier. Ben gulped down the food before him, graceless and desperate, reminding Rey for all the galaxy of herself when she had first arrived on the Starkiller.

It seemed that their roles had been reversed; Rey felt too weightless to eat. Instead, Rey found herself counting all the moles on his face as he ate. 

‘How are your injuries?’ She asked him, taking advantage of a slight pause as he reached for his dessert. 

‘They’ll be okay.’ 

‘I could try and…’ 

‘No. It’s dangerous. It’s dangerous for you.’ 

‘It’s more dangerous for you,’ Rey told him, leaning forward to pick at the crunchy, layered dessert before her. 

‘I’ve had worse,’ Ben said. Rey didn’t doubt it. Ever since she had entered his mind and accidentally seen all that Snoke had done - and all that Ben feared Snoke could yet do - Rey knew it was the truth. She said nothing, knowing that Ben would never tell her all that he had endured. Not yet, anyhow. ‘Besides, I might end up liking some of the scars.’ 

Rey’s eyes followed the line that bisected his face. In truth, she had never felt guilty about it. He had deserved it, of that much she had always been so sure. Now, however, she felt her stomach twist in a tight, aching knot at the sight of it. 

‘Maybe,’ she said, voice feeble and cracked. She took the tray, now mostly empty, realising her hands were shaking as she carried it back to the main table. As she returned, she pressed her fingers together nervously. ‘How did it happen?’ 

It was the question she had been aching to ask since the mysterious alarm that night. 

Ben sighed, tilting her head at her. He considered his options. ‘Brief security breach,’ he said at last.  
‘Was it the resistance?’ Rey asked. ‘Your mother?’

Ben shook his head. It was only a half life, he told himself, but the guilt crept in nevertheless. His head was foggy and he hardly felt like arguing with Rey about what should be done. 

Rey could tell that he had closed himself off to further questions, felt it as he reinforced the barriers to his mind, closing her off from him. 

‘I shouldn’t have asked about your mother.’ 

Ben said nothing, but held his hand out to Rey silently. She took it. 

‘Lie down with me,’ he said. 

‘I don’t know, I…’ 

‘Just stay, Rey. Please.’ His voice was tender, and Rey found herself unwilling to resist him. In truth, she didn’t want to fight her feelings anymore. She was so damn sick of being strong; it inevitably left her alone. Rey had spent too many years alone. 

She crept into bed next to him, crawling under the covers. She crossed free her arm against her torso, self-conscious and defence, even as she still held his huge hand. Ben shifted onto his elbow, turning to face Rey. 

‘Can I kiss you?’ He said. Somehow that was worse than sex, Rey thought, alarmed by the question. Could she tell him that she had never kissed anyone before? Before Rey could gather her thoughts, she realised that Ben was not waiting for a response, cupping her face with his hand, engulfing her in his warmth. His mouth was wet and soft, and he pressed on her lips lightly with his tongue, opening her lips gently to accommodate him. 

As he pulled away, Rey was breathless and astonished. His face was inches from hers, all dark, smouldering eyes and hot breath, and Rey found herself pulling him back without meaning to for another kiss. Rey, having spent all her life a stranger to lust, now found that it swept her up in mere seconds. Panting, she felt hollow, aching for Ben to touch her. 

Ben skated along the edge of her thoughts, carefully enough that Rey missed it. He smiled into her lips; her desire bubbled to the surface of her mind, overcoming any doubts she had about him. He slipped a hand down between her legs, knowing she would give in to him. Rey moaned as soon as she registered what he was doing, leaning in to his touch instinctively, burying her head into his neck as she had done last time. Unexpectedly, he stopped. Rey could only mewl pathetically at the loss of sensation.

‘What do you want, Rey?’ Ben murmured. 

‘You know what I want.’ 

‘I want you to say it.’ Rey hummed in response, trying to rub herself against his hand, reeling from his sudden reluctance. 

‘Say it, Rey. Ask me nicely.’ Rey pulled back from his shoulder, staring at him. The bastard was nothing if not serious. He wanted her to ask him to touch her, beg him even. She shook her head, biting her lip. 

‘Okay,’ Ben said calmly, pulling his hand away entirely. Rey moaned, feeling rising panic. 

‘No,’ she said, before she could stop herself. She gulped as he waited expectantly. ‘Please.’ 

‘Please what?’ 

‘Please touch me.’ 

‘How would you like me to touch you, Rey?’ He asked, playful and excited. He was enjoying this far too much. Rey gulped. 

‘With your mouth,’ Ben only raised an eyebrow in response. Growing humiliation fighting with burning desire between her thighs, Rey swallowed the last of her pride. ‘Please.’ Ben looked like Christmas had come early. 

And then he was tearing away the last of her clothes, kissing her all over. On her breasts, and then down to her ribs, her stomach, down to her smattering of hair, parting it gently as he placed a soft kiss on her mound. And then… oh. 

Oh, fuck. 

He was licking her, as obscene as that was, the heat of his tongue burning against her wetness. Rey twitched her leg involuntarily, shivering as Ben took this as opportunity to hold them both still with his hands, stretching her wider as he pressed the tip of his tongue to her clitoris, tracking circles across it. Rey felt as though she were seeing stars. It was divine, as he had promised her, only made more so as he snaked a finger inside her, pumping it in rhythm with the movements of his mouth. Suddenly, his finger felt like all too little. 

Rey thought back to how his erection had felt pressed against her back the last time she had been in his bed. How much it had excited her, in spite of her nervousness.

Rey shook her head, relaxing into an breathtaking orgasm. Perhaps next time.


	17. the wind changes

Ben cradled Rey in his arms, her back pressed against his chest. Her skin still had a light shimmer and her cheeks remained flush. She looked beautiful, he thought, as she nuzzled a little into his chest. 

The idea of Rey being forced to kneel before Snoke made Ben Solo feel physically sick. The idea that she would be forced to endure the tortures and the humiliation that he had over the last few years… it was unbearable. He couldn’t allow that to happen. 

‘Your force healing was certainly impressive’ Ben said, stroking Rey’s hair. Rey hesitated, her eyes grazing over the scratches and marks along his arms that still marred his pale skin. 

‘Not perfect,’ she conceded. It was still a feat of outstanding magnitude, leaving Ben unsure what he had left to teach her in the force; her ability to force heal a man from a coma was far beyond anything he had ever managed. Not that he would ever admit that aloud. There were a number of things he could never say out loud to Rey, he realised with sadness. 

‘Still,’ Ben said. ‘It’s an invaluable skill. It could be very valuable to the First Order.’ 

Rey flinched at the suggestion. Ben ignored her, carrying on with his pitch. ‘You could be very useful to the First Order, Rey,’ he continued, even as she squirmed a little in his grip. ‘You don’t have to be a prisoner forever. We could work together. As equals.’ 

‘I would never work for Snoke,’ Rey said, appalled at the very suggestion. 

‘Perhaps,’ he paused, as though deciding whether or not he trusted her fully. Leaning in, with his mouth to her ear, and changing his tone to what could only be described as conspiratorial, he grasped one of Rey’s small hands in his own. ‘You wouldn’t have to.’ 

‘What are you talking about?’ Rey said, breathless. She glanced around furtively, as though Snoke might suddenly appear and skin them both alive. 

‘He’s not an insurmountable obstacle. Together, we could…’ 

Rey snatched her hand away from his grip, beginning to sit up in bed.

‘What are you suggesting?’

‘Alone I would never… I could never have…’ Ben trailed off, looking at Rey with imploring, almost begging eyes. ‘But with you by my side… Snoke could fall.’ 

Rey stared out at the galaxy. 

‘You would turn?’ She said, hardly believing it even as she said it. Ben considered his next words carefully. 

‘Snoke wants you,’ he said. ‘He wants you to one day bow before him. I would prevent this. With your aid, Rey. He’s not as immortal as he wants the Resistance to think.’ 

‘But his mind reading,’ Rey began, but Ben interrupted her, stroking his spare hand just under her breasts. 

‘I can overcome it, now,’ Ben confessed. ‘You certainly could too. Snoke would never see it coming.’ 

Rey could scarcely believe what she was hearing. The dedicated apprentice, willing to betray his master - and for what? For her? 

Ben was continuing, ignoring her obvious shock. ‘I can teach you. Over the next few days, I can teach you how to shut him out.’ 

‘And then what?’ 

‘Snoke wants to see you. And he’ll never expect it.’ 

Rey thought about Rose, wondering how she was coping as a prisoner of the First Order.

For the third time, Rey brought up the young woman. 'You promised I could see Rose,' she said. 'She could help with this. She's strong.' 

Ben's eyes flickered with alarm. He coughed uncomfortably, pulling Rey in closer, grip tightening as though the young woman might suddenly run away from him. He thought about the choices that had lead him here, lead him to be wrapped up in a web of deceit and lies with a woman he so beloved. Not for the first time in his life, Ben Solo found himself at a moral impasse. Not for the first time, he made a dark decision. 

'It would be too risky now,' he said. 'Me taking Rose under my wing suddenly... Snoke might suspect something. After we succeed, you can see Rose.' 

Ben felt a little nauseous, but pushed it down, kissing the top of Rey's head. Precious. So damn precious. 

'Okay,' Rey said slowly. 'I'll help you.' 

—

Leia couldn’t help but reminisce sometimes. Since losing her husband, her desperation to recover her son to the light had grown still more urgent and overwhelming. Perhaps it was wrong - evil, even - to let Rey remain on the Starkiller for so long, at the mercy of all those who sit on the dark side, but she couldn’t help but hope that Rey would help her son. The young woman was so compassionate. And Leia was no fool; she had watched Ben watching Rey more than once. 

Leia found herself confessing her hopes of Rey's influence to Poe Dameron, who had come into her tent for the fifth time that week, demanding Rey’s rescue yet again. He had explained that the Resistance was stronger now, begging her to let him take a full fleet. Leia couldn’t bear the idea of such a mission, having at last wheedled the story of her son’s injuries from Poe and Finn. Leia loathed the thought of her son falling like that; so close to death. She could never stop loving her son, and even now, even after everything, she would die for him. Another thing she would never admit to her crew. Only Han ever understood that you could never stop loving your child. 

Ben was alive now, she could feel it, but there was a time when his life-force had grown so weak she hadn’t been sure. The terror of that day was not something Leia was eager to repeat. 

‘Rey will come home in time,’ Leia said, trying to remain magnanimous towards the hot-headed pilot, whose brow was furrowed in frustration and anger. 

‘And if your son kills her first?’ Poe said in response, not dissuaded by Leia’s unprecedented honestly. 

Like he killed Han Solo. Poe let the implication hang, not daring to suggest it to Leia. But she knew precisely what he was thinking. 

‘I know that Ben can be… impulsive,’ Leia said. 

Poe snorted, opening his mouth to speak. Leia continued on, purposely ignoring him. 

‘Would you feel better if I told you I thought there was a way I could send Rey a message? We can perhaps check on her wellbeing.’ 

Poe’s ears pricked at this. He shut his mouth - at last, Leia thought - and leant in to listen to her plan. 

‘There is a spy within the First Order,’ Leia said. Poe’s eyebrows shot into his forehead. 

‘And you didn’t tell me?’ He said, spluttering, shaking his head. ‘How could you not tell me? Not even for our mission? That could have been useful information, I...’ 

‘They weren't in contact then. Besides, it is crucial that I do my utmost to protect this individual’s privacy. The First Order need not know there is a traitor in their midst. But I believe that if I request it, they will deliver a message to Rey, giving us the opportunity to speak with her.’ 

Poe opened his mouth to speak, but Leia silenced him with a lift of her hand. 

‘If Rey expresses that she is in danger, and wishes to come home, then we will rescue her at once.’ 

‘You think there’s another option other than Rey being in danger?’ Poe asked, incredulous at the very idea. 

Leia said nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promise this is the last time I nonchalantly increase the chapter count (oops)


	18. clarity

If Ben had ever felt happier, he couldn’t remember it. Rey was thriving, everyday becoming stronger and stronger as she honed her ability to block him out of her mind. Now, she could do it with ease. No doubt Snoke was far greater a challenge, and they certainly weren’t there yet, but Ben was feeling unusually hopeful. Even dealing with Hux didn’t bother him. The man was still smarting after his plan to torture Rose had backfired, and then he had been unceremoniously denied a second chance with Rey, and had become increasingly insufferable during meetings, never missing an opportunity to sneer at Ben. It was all too easy to let his snide remarks bounce off his back. 

Hux even seemed to notice, and it only made him still more irate as his mentions of Ben’s failed missions and acquisitions did so little to effect Kylo Ren. 

Hux sat across the meeting room table, barely disguising his glare. It even looked a little like a pout from what Ben could see though his mask. 

They had been at it for hours. One of the lower ranking leaders had proposed a strengthening of stormtrooper presence on some distant dust planet Ben could hardly believe anyone lived on, let alone was likely to stage a successful revolt. The mask made it easy to hide his boredom. Thank goodness. 

Images of Rey flickered across his mind. It had been a few days since their last physical encounter, but Ben suspected she would want more soon. Still, resisting the urge to bend her over and fuck her hard was present every time she so much as looked his way. He was biding his time, however, as painful as this was proving to be, waiting for her to ask for it. Beg, even. The thought of Rey begging - perhaps on her knees, Kylo added to his fantasy - was too much, and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 

He registered vaguely that Hux was asking him something, tearing him away from his thoughts. 

‘Do you approve it, Ren?’ Hux was saying, looking around the room in exasperation. ‘So we can move on?’ 

‘Yes,’ he said. Who cared if they put more stormtroopers out? They had the resources. 

‘So glad of your insightful input,’ Hux said, tone dripping with malice. Ben hardly cared. ‘Onto the next matter. I would like to discuss the hostage escape. Now that Ren has been returned safely to us, and is back to full health, perhaps we can discuss what exactly caused you to be,’ Hux coughed lightly, ‘overcome. We can discuss strategies to prevent this happening in the future.’ 

Ben could do nothing but groan internally. Snoke wouldn’t have put him up to this. No, this was all Hux, ever eager to ruin his reputation and undermine his authority.   
‘It won’t happen again,’ Ben said. 

Hux hummed lightly. ‘You must realise, Ren, how dire things could become if you were to lose a second hostage.’ 

‘Rose, if I recall, was your responsibility. By your own request.’ 

Hux sniffed. ‘Let’s work together, Ren. No need for hostility. Now, what exactly is your relationship with this girl?’ 

‘I’m training her.’ 

‘She seems awfully fond of you, don’t you think? Force healing you - and so eager to make sure you were safe.’ 

‘Anything further is a matter between myself and the Supreme Leader. I hope you would not interfere with what the Supreme Leader desires.’ 

Ben smiled under the mask. That should shut him up, at least momentarily. 

Hux took a second to consider, before ploughing on. ‘Very well. That will be all.’ 

Ben swept out of the room with a flourish, eager to pick Rey up for their dinner. He hoped that tonight would be the night, imagining all the dirty things he longed to do to her as he hurried down long corridors, occasionally bumping into terrified Stormtroopers in his haste. 

Punching in the code, he expected that Rey would be sitting ready for him, having been in the fresher since their afternoon training. Instead, he found her pacing, brow furrowed, wringing her hands together. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw him, and it took Ben mere moments to notice that her eyes were welling up with tears. 

‘What’s happened?’ Hearing the door hiss behind him, Ben moved to touch her without thinking about it. Rey pushed him back violently, the force shoving his back to the wall. Hard. 

An edge of familiar rage made itself known deep in his psyche. 

He tried to suppress it. All he needed to do was figure out why she was crying; he could punish her for her attack later. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut in first - 

‘Where is Rose?’ 

Ben felt all the air leave his lungs. The helmet might have hidden his growing panic from anyone else, but he knew with her developing force skills she would be able to feel it anyhow. Rey stared at him, but he could tell by the misery and - was that disappointment? - in her eyes that she knew damn well what the answer was. 

Not here. 

Women always figure out the truth. 

As he felt her force grip loosen, he reached up to remove his mask. He considered his options briefly, only to decide that the lies were well and truly up. They had to be. Rey deserved that much. 

‘How did you know?’ 

Rey turned her head away from him. 

‘Get out,’ she said. Ben supposed he could pull the old captor trump card. Insist that he stayed. Make her eat with him. Not give a damn how much she cried and fought him. He could make her, if he really wanted. But he couldn’t do that to Rey. Not now. Not anymore. 

He gulped, before turning on his heel. He said nothing. There was nothing he could say. Any affection he might have had for him… 

She’ll never forgive you for this, he thought as he stormed back to his rooms, not caring about his bare face and all the stormtroopers who were trying their damnedest not to stare at it. The thought hit him like a punch to the gut. 

Ben wasn’t sure he would ever forgive himself. Rey, the perfect, too good Rey, would never look at him like he was someone worth saving again. 

Ben sat in his room and cried for the first time in years.


	19. a trader in flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just warning y'all - this is a bit darker (not for Rey or ben)

Rey had been astonished to find a message waiting for her on her bed when she returned from the afternoon’s training. Ben had praised her repeatedly for her progress on blocking out his mind invasions, promising her - although she herself doubted it - that one day Snoke’s ultimate control would disappear. 

She had been looking forward to dinner. That is, until she read the message. 

‘Rey, 

Please let us know what you want. We will attempt to rescue you if you leave a message on here. Leave it beneath your bedclothes and it will be collected in the morning 

Leia, Finn, Poe and Rose’ 

Rey’s elation at having received a message from her friends was sadly short-lived as she stared, unseeing, at the names at the end. If this was from the Resistance, then what did that mean? Rey considered the possibility that it was a trap; would Hux do something like this? Rey paced up and down, waiting for Ben. As nervous as she was, she had resolved not to jump to any conclusions until his arrival. Her rage increased as time passed, however, and as soon as Rey found herself face to face with that awful, eerie mask, her anger overtook her. 

As soon as he saw his face, all doubt was removed from his mind. Rose was gone from the Starkiller and he was nothing but a dirty, manipulative liar. How could she ever have expected better from the dreaded Kylo Ren? 

After he left, the gears in her mind began to work on overdrive. The Resistance had rescued Rose; Rey began to suspect, with a sinking feeling in her gut, that his injuries - that she had dutifully healed for him - could have been a result of their rescue. 

Rey hated that she began to cry. She should not be this person. All she wanted was to be strong in the face of adversity; in the face of the crushing loneliness that had consumed her life for so many years. Rey liked to imagine herself as though she were as brave as Leia and Luke and Han and all the Jedi she so admired but somewhere inside of herself she wondered if it were true. As she sat on her bed and cried, she felt like a weak little girl. He was a liar, but of course he was, and she was simply his fool, giving her body to him like a cheap skin girl. Rey tried not to wretch as she remembered him touching her, feeling the ghosts of his hands burn against her skin. 

Rey shivered, laying down against the hard bed, quivering and shaking like a tormented beast. She could do nothing more than stare at the blank walls of her cell, eyes blurred with wet, salty tears. 

—

Ben’s eyes grew dry as the hours passed him by, but sleep never came to him. It was the middle of the night when he decided he wasn’t getting any sleep that night. He looked around at his quarters, or what was left of them. As his tears had turned to rage - mostly at himself - he had taken his lightsaber to almost all of his possessions. The place looked like a war zone. Pieces of the broken cupboards and shelves dug into his feet as he stood up. 

He felt so impotent. He needed to do something, fix things. His skin itched. 

Not for the first time in his life, Ben felt the unbearable weight of being stuck in his own head. His memories haunted him, an inevitable and well deserved punishment for his endless list of sins. How could he have ever thought that he was deserving of anything? Not after everything he had done. Luke Skywalker had been right to loathe him. A man who had seen the good left in a man like Vader had seen nothing better than death for Ben Solo. Sure, he could blame Luke and everyone who had ever deserted him, but he had seen in Rey’s mind. She had had it worse. So, so much worse. There was still light in her. Rey would always be pure. 

He wasn’t someone who could be rescued. He felt broken, like the toys he had smashed apart with his burgeoning force powers as a child. Always leaving a wake of destruction. No amount of glue could stick Ben Solo back together. His legacy would be nothing but blood and death and pain and misery. In future generations, people would spit on his grave. 

So be it, then. Ben would not cry again.

He pulled his helmet on, robes dirty and damaged. He felt deranged, but it was eerily freeing. He looked in the mirror before he left, but saw only a monster. 

He saw only Kylo Ren. 

—

‘Sir!’ The girl’s miserable cry only irritated Unkar Plutt as he sat getting his horrible, deformed dick sucked by one of his skin girls. ‘Sir!’ He opened an eye lazily.

‘This had better be worth my time.’ 

The girl who had run in was gasping, clutching at her bare chest, face wet with fearful tears. She had obviously run away mid-client. Unkar Plutt became vaguely aware of a growing rumbling downstairs. He sighed, shoving the skin girl’s mouth off of him, not caring at how she cried out. 

At last catching her breath, the girl before him finally gathered the strength to say, ‘Sir, the First Order. They’re here.’ 

Unkar Plutt rolled his eyes. ‘So? I don’t give a damn about any fucking moral objections you might have to them, you’ll serve them like any other men.’ 

The girl pressed on. Unkar Plutt was becoming increasingly annoyed and infuriated; he made a mental note to have her whipped in public later. Ideally naked. ‘No,’ she said. ‘You don’t understand, they’re not…’ 

A thunderous crash behind her cut her off. The door had been ripped clean off its hinges, throwing splinters and dust in its wake. The girl screamed as a chunk of the wood burst through her shoulder. 

Unkar Plutt gaped at the man before him. A man like that needed no introduction; the helmet alone was stuff of legend. 

‘Lord Ren,’ he began, suddenly conscious of the fact that he was naked below the waist. The skin girl gaped as she realised her master was quaking. Unkar Plutt was failing to remain calm. ‘Welcome, Sir.’ 

Plutt bowed. He had no idea what the man was doing here, but it could be nothing good. Ren made no reply, choosing instead to extend his hand. Plutt couldn’t understand it, but damn did he feel it when the force dragged him down to his knees before Ren. 

The creature was sobbing, Ben realised. It meant nothing to him. If anything, all it could prove was that Plutt was a coward, and he would die like one. Nothing he did could stir up even an ounce of empathy for this monster in Ben. 

Without further ado, Ben ignited his lightsaber. Plutt flinched. The girls were still standing behind their owner, quivering and shuddering every time Ben did so much as move a finger. One was still on her knees.

Ben spoke to them next, ‘take all the girls. Run.’ 

He didn’t trust that murdering Plutt would be enough to sate the worst of his anger. Without hesitation, the girls fled, holding each other’s hands as they scurried away. 

Plutt’s lip trembled. ‘What do you want?’ 

Ben did not do him the mercy of responding. Raising his lightsaber above his head, he brought it down on Plutt, splitting him fully in half. Each side of him fell to either side with a disgusting squelch, pus oozing from rank flesh.


	20. The end of love

Ben heard, rather than felt, his jaw smash against the hard floor. His mouth tasted faintly of blood. 

‘That was good,’ he said, scrambling to his feet. 

Rey smiled at him, but it was cold and unseeing. 

She had very reluctantly agreed to continue her training, explaining over and over again that she was doing this because it might eliminate Snoke, not because of Ben. Or because of Kylo Ren, as she had taken to calling him again. It felt surprisingly sour for a name he had chosen himself. 

The pair had spent the last few hours practising both combat and the tricky practise of cementing mental barriers. Trying to ignore the ringing in his ears, Ben suggested that they resume. Rey said nothing, but Ben could feel the shift in the atmosphere as she reinforced her mind to him. 

Ben pressed and pressed, but his attempts proved fruitless. 

‘See,’ Rey said, snarling a little. ‘I can do it.’ 

‘Perhaps. But Snoke is stronger. Much stronger.’ 

‘We’ll see.’ 

Ben shook his head. ‘You don’t understand. You don’t know who he is. What he’s like. He’s dangerous, Rey.’ 

Rey rolled her eyes. For the first time that day, Ben felt the prickle of anger threaten. 

‘I’m good at this.’ 

‘I’m not saying you’re not.’ 

The pair fell into hostile, uncomfortable silence. 

‘If this is all so fucking urgent, Kylo,’ Rey went on, eyes narrowing. ‘Why were you gone for so long?’ 

Ben’s hands twisted into fists. He contemplated lying, but it had done little to help him thus far. 

‘I went to Jakku.’ 

In spite of herself, Rey’s eyes lit up with newfound curiosity. 

‘I went to Jakku to see Unkar Plutt,’ Ben clarified. A flicker of fear moved behind her eyes. 

‘You went to see Plutt… why? Did you..?’  
‘Did I kill him?’ Ben said softly. Rey blinked at him. Ben imagined that she was searching for some long lost trace of decency in him. He knew damn well she wasn’t going to find it. ‘Yes. I killed him. And I’m not sorry.’ 

Rey couldn’t explain what she was feeling. The casual way he threw out that he had murdered the creature, the mercilessness she had seen him exhibit too many times should have repulsed her. And yet… Rey couldn’t help but feel inexplicably comforted by the notion that he would kill for her. That he was angry enough with Plutt, a being he had never met, of no significance at all to the regime, on her behalf… 

‘I’m not upset.’ 

‘I killed him,’ Ben reiterated, as though she hadn’t heard him. ‘And I don’t care.’ Rey said nothing. Ben took a step forward, smiling without teeth. ‘In fact, I liked it. I enjoyed it.’ 

Rey vaguely registered something inside of her snapping. ‘Stop trying to scare me. It’s not going to work. You want me to see you a monster, I get it.’ 

Ben was taken aback. ‘That’s not…’ he began, before he realised that she was right.

Rey shook her head, eyes dull and resigned. ‘Fine. You’re a monster. You’re Kylo Ren, the big bad of the First Order. And you’ll never be anything else because you don’t want to be. Are you happy now?’

Ben’s breath caught, his throat tightening as he strained to keep his composure. All of a sudden, he felt tiny. Like a child being scolded by its mother. All he could do was watch Rey. Watch as she glared at him, eyes full of derision and loathing. She would never look at him any other way, and Ben for the life of him wasn’t sure he could stand that. 

‘So you’ve finally given up on your foolish quest to bring me to the light,’ his voice crackled a little. ‘Finally.’ 

Rey said nothing. It felt like the end of something, but she didn’t know what. 

‘I used to think you had good left in you,’ Rey said. There was no anger left in her, just a horrible, depressing sense of defeat. She took a step closer to him, until they were mere inches from touching. Ben felt like he was drowning under her penetrating gaze. He felt indecently exposed, as though she could see into his soul. He imagined that she could see how desperately he craved her, that she could sense how needy he was just to have her care for him. To have her care for him as she cared for her precious, resistance friends. How Rey fought for them, even when they were wrong or misguided or downright stupid. It was a fantasy. The idle, idiotic fantasy of an unloved man. An unloveable man. Rey bit her lip. ‘You seem determined to prove me wrong.’ 

Ben winced as though she had struck him. Fleetingly, he considered how the sum of thousands upon thousands of his own poor choices and bad decisions had lead him here. Not even Snoke could be blamed for those. 

‘Perhaps that’s just who I am.’ 

Rey could feel the heat radiating from his body, faint though it was.

‘Ben…’ 

‘Ben Solo is dead.’ It came out harsher than he had expected it to, sounding more like a warning than a statement. If Rey was afraid, she showed no sign of it. 

‘That’s a shame,’ she said, turning to walk away. ‘I liked him. He was someone worth loving.’ 

Ben summoned his helmet with a flick of his wrist, scrambling to conceal himself for Rey. He had put far too much of himself into this conversation, he realised with a jolt; he had given Rey far too much of himself, as he always did. 

‘We need to practise,’ he said. Rey stopped in her tracks, registering with dull acceptance the metallic, warped voice of the mask. ‘Snoke will want to see you, soon.’ 

‘And then we kill him.’ 

‘And then we kill him,’ Ben agreed. ‘And then you can go. You can leave.’ 

Rey should have felt hope. She should have felt happiness at the promise of the return to her friends. Instead, she felt more alone than ever. 

‘And we will never see have to each other again,’ she murmured, more to herself than to Ben, gut twisting even as she spoke. She had been right earlier, it felt like the end. The end of Ben Solo. After everything he had gone endured, Rey thought, maybe all that was left of his damaged, broken soul was Kylo Ren. After all, she had heard it said too many times that we become what we pretend to be. Perhaps it was too late to take the mask off. 

‘And we will never have to see each other again,’ Ben agreed. 

—

As he had anticipated, Ben received a summons from Snoke in his quarters that night, demanding an audience with the girl. Ben stared at the note, steeling himself for war.


	21. Midnight Rain

Rey awoke with a start, her body reacting to Ben looming over her, giant and intimidating. Trying to ignore the vague horror of the scene, she swallowed hard.   
‘What?’ Rey said, voice crackling as she spoke.   
‘We should go. Now,’ Ben said. He was ardently trying not to notice how small and vulnerable she looked, a mixture of wide eyes and open, shocked lips. He couldn’t help but watch her as her chest rose and fell with every hurried, anxious breath.  
Rey stared up at him. She did not comment on the dried blood splattered along his jawline. She did wonder if it was his.   
‘Snoke,’ Ben said. ‘He wants to see you. Now.’   
Rey rubbed her eyes. ‘It’s the middle of the night,’ she said stupidly. Why should she be surprised? Of course he would want to see her when she was least prepared. A man – or whatever he was – doesn’t rise to the top of an organisation like The First Order without a few tricks up his sleeve.   
Ben frowned. ‘He doesn’t like to be kept waiting.’   
‘I’m not ready,’ Rey said, sitting up in bed. ‘You’re not ready.’   
Ben turned on his heel, so that Rey could only see the dark curve of his back. ‘Well, we’ll have to be ready.’   
Rey wanted to say that it would all be fine. That they would easily overcome Snoke, that it would all work out fine – but she couldn’t quite bring herself to form the words. Besides, Ben would know she was lying. Instead, she resigned herself to getting dressed quietly. She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.   
‘Are you ready?’ Ben said, after a lengthy silence. Rey nodded, before realising he couldn’t see her.   
‘Yes,’ she said.   
Ben turned back to face her, eyes scanning her briefly. He nodded at her, before disappearing behind the mask. Rey longed to tell him not to wear the mask. She had grown to loathe the sound of it hissing shut. She despised how she could never tell what he was thinking or feeling with it on. She resented how easily it built such a powerful wall between them.   
But she couldn’t. Of course she couldn’t.   
Without another word, he led them both out of the room. Rey tried not to panic as she followed him down unfamiliar corridors, to parts of the ship she had never even imagined existed. Ben’s hands were clenched into tight fists, she noticed, but kept silent. When they reached the elevator, Ben explained that this would take them up to see Snoke.   
Rey still did not reply. Ben leant against the wall of the thing as it slowly sprung into action. Even under all of his layers of costume, Rey could see the strain evident in his muscles. His hands were still curled into fists; he was ready to fight.   
Everything seemed to go far too quickly. The walk to the elevator seemed to have taken mere seconds, though Rey knew it must have been longer, and, now, it hardly seemed that she had time to catch her breath before the doors were sliding open once again.   
Rey wasn’t sure what she had expected from Snoke’s throne room, but she wasn’t sure it was this. It was huge but sparse, the walls a brilliant shade of red. Snoke’s guard stood, entirely motionless, lining the room, more like soulless clones than anything else. It was difficult to believe that Finn might once have stood amongst them. To Rey, they hardly seemed like real people.   
Snoke himself was clad in shimmering gold, but he didn’t look much like a King. He looked like a disgusting, deformed creature playing dress up. She felt Ben place his hand gently on her lower back, as though reminding her to remain calm. She leaned back into it without really meaning to.   
‘Rey,’ Snoke said, voice deep and even. ‘Come closer.’   
Ben’s fingers twitched, but he made no move to protest. Reluctantly, Rey moved closer to Snoke. She heard, rather than saw, Ben drop onto his knee.   
‘You do not need to be afraid,’ Snoke added. Rey focused on her breathing. ‘Soon you will no longer be a prisoner, but an ally.’   
The rebellious, disobedient side of Rey was screaming within. More than anything, she wanted to tell him that she would never side with him, that she would sooner die… but, she knew she had to remember herself. The reckless little girl she once was on Jakku would be no good to her here; Snoke was far too smart for that.   
‘When I took on my apprentice,’ he went on. ‘I had never felt power like it. I believed for a long time I never would again. And yet, well, here you are.’ Snoke laughed, a cold, callous, echoing sound that seemed to seep into Rey’s bones. She shivered. ‘Just as powerful. If not more so. Hiding on some little desert planet. All this time. It is a shame that some traitor found you first, but that’s no matter now. Now, you are where you were always meant to be.’  
Rey flinched as he leant forward. She wished that she could turn and look at Ben.   
‘And, now, you will help us to take down the Resistance. Won’t you, Rey?’   
Rey swallowed hard. ‘Yes,’ she managed, through half-gritted teeth. She dared not look Snoke in the eye, certain that her expression would give her away and ruin everything.   
‘Is that true?’ Snoke said. ‘You have succeeded in your task?’   
Rey was relieved to realise that the monster had now turned his attention to Kylo Ren.   
‘Yes, Master.’  
Rey could feel her heart in her throat. As hard as she tried to keep her good senses, she felt that – at any moment – Snoke would try to penetrate her mind.   
‘You have succeeded in turning the girl – once undyingly loyal to the Resistance – in such a short period of time?’   
‘Yes, Master.’   
Snoke said nothing.   
And then Rey felt it. The claws of his mind breaking into hers. It was more powerful than any assault she had ever experienced before, like an insatiable force was burrowing into her thoughts, into her very being. She pushed and pushed, imaging the waves of her strength fighting against Snoke’s never ending assault. Everything hurt – her mind, her body – hell, even her soul seemed to ache as he attacked.   
Then she blacked out.   
It was only for a second. But as her vision blurred, as her head grew too heavy to hold up, as she suddenly felt weightless – she knew it would be enough.   
And Ben knew it too.  
As she hit the floor, she heard him scramble to his feet at the same time. There was no longer any point in pretending he was loyal to Snoke. The plan was ruined.   
Rey wondered how she would die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Thank you to everyone who messaged me!
> 
> I've added another chapter just because I felt like it was all too long of a conclusion for one chapter (also we love a cliffhanger) - I've started writing that and should be up soon!


	22. Dawn

Rey didn’t have time to think about her aching limbs or the throbbing in her head. She clambered to her feet, trying to ignore the patches of black that clouding her vision. Heart heavy in her chest, Rey tried to get her bearings.  
Snoke’s eyes were wide and manic, a man driven mad by the betrayal of his treasured protégé, no doubt. His arm was outstretched, quaking with mad rage. Snoke had used his powers to slam Ben against the back wall of the throne room, entirely paralysed. Rey swallowed, trying to think of something – anything – to say. She was horribly conscious of the Praetorian guard which surrounded the room. They had not yet moved, but she was frightened that – at any moment – Snoke could order them to kill her.  
‘Please,’ she said, pathetically. She hated herself the moment she heard it come out. 

‘Please?’ 

‘Just,’ Rey went on, unsure of where she was headed. ‘I’ll help you. I’ll swear loyalty to you, I-‘ 

Snoke laughed, cold and callous. ‘And I suppose I should trust you?’ 

Rey was speechless. Even in the days and weeks when she would starve on Jakku, unable to scavenge enough for even the most basic, most pitiful of portions, she didn’t remember ever feeling so helpless. Her legs felt useless under her, as though she might collapse at any moment. In the silence she could hear Ben gasping, struggling for breath. More than anything, she longed to lean on him. She longed for his guidance, his help. She ached to see him as the all powerful, utterly terrifying monster who had kidnapped her all those months ago. Instead, she felt – she couldn’t quite place it – worried about him, she supposed. Scared, for him. Scared of what Snoke might do to him. 

‘You want to pledge your allegiance to me – yet, you have conspired with him to work against me?’ 

Rey bit her lip, thinking hard. ‘He forced me.’ 

Snoke’s face contorted. ‘That is not how it appeared.’

‘I was his prisoner,’ Rey continued. ‘I had no choice. I was scared of him. He killed my friends. He killed his own father. I have no loyalty to Kylo Ren. I want him to suffer.’ Rey gulped. It was painful. ‘I want him to die.’ 

Snoke’s horrible slits of eyes narrowed still further. With a diplomatic wave of his hand, Ben fell to the floor with a thud, finally free of the force choke. 

‘I hate him,’ Rey said, voice cracking. ‘I hate him so much. We want the same things.’ 

‘You said you wished to kill him,’ Snoke said, slowly. ‘Do it.’ 

Rey turned on her heel to face Ben. The man was on his knees, bent halfway over, trying to re-establish his breathing without much obvious success. Rey could only look at him, wondering how red and swollen he must be beneath the mask. It hid his weakness so well. She supposed that was why he clung to it so dearly. 

‘Do it,’ Snoke said, once again. Rey could tell he was growing impatient with every passing second of impatience. She walked towards him, almost more of a tiptoe. 

‘Take off your mask,’ she said. ‘I want you to look at me. Like you looked at Han Solo – your own father – as you killed him.’ 

Snoke made no noise of dissent, so Rey went on. 

‘You are no Vader,’ she said, watching intently as Ben threw his mask to one side, exposing a swollen, aching form. His eyes met hers, broken and bloodshot. Rey was the first to look away. ‘No. I knew that from the moment I met you. I knew that you would never be as strong as Darth Vader. And – now, at last – I can kill you.’ 

Rey took another step forward. Ben could do nothing but look at the floor as she towered over him, his fate entirely in her hands. She felt his breath, still ragged and broken, on her cheeks as she leant down to snatch his lightsaber from his belt. 

‘Do it,’ Snoke hissed, yet again. 

Rey’s hand clasped around the weapon, and, as she did so, she felt Ben’s power radiating off him. She blinked, revelling, if only for a second, in it. And then she struck. Grabbing his wrist, she felt his strength only embolden hers. Her fingers slipped between his and she yanked him to his feet. Rey vaguely registered Ben’s audible heartbeat as he realised that his fate was not as certain as he had presumed. On some level, he had always known that they had some strange bond in the force but now, now – it was unlike anything he had ever felt. Power surged like a tidal wave through Ben as he clung to Rey. 

Rey, meanwhile, had had more time to think. Channelling what felt like an unstoppable amount of power, she threw Snoke backwards, his throne shattering into pieces that flew like a bomb around the throne room. 

The praetorian Guard would wait no longer. Rey found herself igniting the red, crackled lightsabre with a flourish. As though they had practised, the pair moved back t0 back. It was little more than a blur. Ben, unarmed, tried to wield the force like a weapon, throwing back the red soldiers as often as he could muster. Rey, meanwhile, showed no mercy, weeks of weaponry training finally coming to fruition. 

Rey’s every limb, every muscle ached but finally, finally – the room seemed to settle into silence. 

‘He’s not dead,’ Ben said, head nodding towards Snoke’s stirring form. 

‘I know. We need to go. Now. If he wakes…’ she trailed off, unable to put into words the anxious misery she felt. As she envisioned the endless ways Snoke could draw their deaths out, she hated herself for being so worried about Ben. 

Ben shook his head. ‘Rey, I…’ he said, voice softer than she had ever heard it. ‘I – they won’t… my mother…’ 

Rey held her hand out to him. Ben could only look at it, dumbfounded. 

‘Come with me. To the resistance. You can still turn. It’s not too late.’ 

‘I can’t go back there, Rey. They hate me.’ He paused. ‘You hate me.’ 

Rey looked at him as though she were seeing him anew. Her eyes traced the pattern of the scar she gave him, the black robes that looked so out of place on a man she now knew could be so vulnerable, the bruises that were already beginning to form from a battle hard won. 

‘Sometimes I wish I hated you,’ she said, voice quieter than she expected. ‘But I really, really don’t.’

If she didn’t know him better, Rey would say Ben’s eyes watered a little. 

‘Ben. Please.’ 

Perhaps it was the use of his real name, or the way she looked at him as though he could be something better after all, but Ben couldn’t help but follow Rey’s lead. Once again, his fingers intertwined with her in a strange, but painfully intimate, movement. 

‘Let’s go,’ it was all Rey could add, as hastened towards one of Snoke’s ships. Ben looked back at the mask on the ground but made no move to recover it. A part of him knew it was no great loss, even as abandoning it made him feel like a lost child. The mask had been a part of his identity, a part of himself, really, for years now. Leaving it behind felt surreal, and a part of him ached to grab it, to hide behind it once more.  
And yet. And yet, terrified as he was, he wanted to know who he could become without it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! 
> 
> I know it's been a bit stop start but I hope you're satisfied with the ending! (I've been thinking of doing an epilogue which will focus more on the romance aspect explicitly (pun intended), so let me know if you'd be interested in reading more!
> 
> Again - feedback is always welcome and very helpful!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> feedback is always welcome!
> 
> Will be continued soon...


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